How do you stop dickish people, who you have to keep in your life even though they are dicks, from pissing you off when they behave dickishly?

[RiotsNotDiets]

My ex is a dick. Plain and simple, I'm mortified I ever spoke to him, let alone married him.

Unfortunately, I did, fortunately I got a wonderful child out of it, unfortunately this means that I'm stuck having to put up with him being in my life in some way forever.

Ex has a habit of bitching about me, and trying his best to cause arguments with me over nothing.

Take him for example blowing up at me for 'making huge decisions about DD's life without consulting him, he's not just a babysitter you know' The supposed 'big decisions' were DD being ready to stop wearing nappies during the day (we've been potty training for a while and she has been using the potty/loo everytime, having no accidents during the day and is dry through the night) It wasn't really a decision, DD was just ready.
Also I have decided to put DD in nursery for an additional day a week, a day when we will both be working (he's got a new job and used to have her on this day). Not really a decision either, I can't just leave her at home on her own, she's 2.5

He also had the nerve to tell me an extra day was too expensive when he doesn't pay anything towards nursery fees and has given me a grand total of £30 maintenance over the past 5 months.

He was a truly shite husband, he lied, cheated, secretly got us in debt, abandoned me during DD's birth and was horribly immature all round.

I hate that I waste any amount of energy on his pathetic drivel, I try very hard to maintain a civil relationship with him for DD's sake but he makes it incredibly hard with his incessant attempts to wind me up.

How would you deal with this? What can I do to honestly not give a shit?

Why's it bothering you so much? Can't you just say "You might have a point there," or "Oh, do shut up," depending on your mood?

Or do you still give a shit what this plonker thinks of you?

You could rope a third party in to do your handovers. Personally, I think it'll be better for your mental health to just get your head around the FACT that his opinions are irrelevant. He's entitled to have them, of course, and to voice them. But why should they matter any more to you than mine, or some old bloke in the post office queue?

Been there, , done that lol.

Just tell your self that every second of your time spent stressing over him is a second more of your life he has stolen.

Laugh in his face at his most outrageous suggestions. Or if possible get someone else to do the handovers and cut him off completely.

I did in the end with my ex. Best thing I ever did and it's been that way since dd was 2. She is 9 now.

And go to the csa. It may not help your relationship and they may be crap but it gave me a perverse sense of pleasure to cause him hassle even though I don't get any thing.

Just prior to handover, dress DD in an "I'm with stupid" T-shirt. He probably won't even notice.

Tell him until he starts ponying up for her upkeep, he obviously doesn't give a shit and STFU?

I get this, we only separated a few months ago. I say nothing to him, I take dcs and collect them saying as little as possible, if he has something to say, which he usually does and it will be an innocent comment to anyone else but it will be something he knows will upset me but I agree with froubylou-it's more of your time that's wasted by him, not easy but at the end of the day if you can show you don't care, that will probably bother him more than if you react:)

What bragmatic says!

Thanks for the replies, It's not that I care what he thinks, i don't. But it's more the way that he is constantly trying to find ways to piss me off, I do generally manage to rise above it, but it grinds you down and I end up getting to the end of my tether and snapping.

He's also been introducing DD to one of the women he cheated on me with, which I am infuriated by and have made it clear I am not happy about, but ultimately I don't suppose I can actually ban him from doing this. I do find it upsetting though as this woman had no respect for us as a family, (well neither did he!) they were meeting up when I was pregnant and when DD was a newborn and I was struggling following a traumatic birth.

In addition, this woman rides horses and is planning on taking DD on a horse, my view that she is far to young for this and might get hurt is being dismissed as jealousy and not wanting this woman around DD.

I'm embarrassed that I'm ranting about stuff that probably seems trivial to an outsider but it's really starting to get to me.

I can't really get someone else to do handovers. However, originally I was letting him come in for handovers to make the transition easier for DD, but when I found out he had been stealing money from me I changed to doorstop handovers, this then began slipping back into him coming in for a bit. I will be going back to doorstep handovers now and won't allow it to slip back, even if he appears to have grown up.

Doorstep handovers, minimum interaction, play deaf if he says something annoying or to wind you up. Just look straight through him!

With regards to the other woman there isn't a great deal you can do as infuriating as it is. However if they are planning on taking her on a horse you want to see your DD's safety gear first. She needs a new hat, body protector, boots and gloves as a bare minimum. 'Riding' should be on a pony appropriate to her size (shetland/small pony size) in a suitable enviroment such as a school or a sectioned off part of the field. The time should be limited to no more than 10 minutes, especially if the pony is wide, due to your DD developing physically still.

I'd also want to see the womans insurance policy which should cover any other visitors or riders at her yard. If she doesn't have that then I would tell him in no uncertain terms that she can't go. Even riding schools insist on a minimum age of 3 years old and it is for a reason as their insurance won't cover them!

If you want a list of the relevant kite marks for hat and body protector google the BHS and they should have it on there.

And FWIW the above guidance was given to me by my ex's solicitor as we have ponies and he was concerned about her riding. She wasn't at that time as she couldn't even stand up unaided lol but thats what I was told I had to do pmsl.

They didn't even do riding gear to fit her so she certainly wasn't going to be riding at 12 months old. Just my exp being a dick. But it's a different situation in that I am the RP and know my own ponies whereas you have no idea about this woman let alone the horses.

Froubylou That is really helpful, thank you

This man contributes a paltry amount to his own daughter's upkeep and yet dictates to you, steals from you and entertains other women. I don't blame you for feeling bad.
Tell him when he contributes properly financially, as a dad should, then he can have input into her rearing.
What a tosser..... You are right, he is a moron.

Bragmatic is spot on. Brillliant

It's incredibly frustrating to have him tell me one minute about all the great nights out he's having and all the parties he's having at his house and then the next minute tell me he's to skint to pay maintenance.... I wonder why that is?!

Go to CSA.

CSA that bastard.

And (politely) Please stop using the word Moron?

yep go to the CSA, ANYTHING he says, "drop me an email about it". Basically don't give him the opportunity to talk at you .

Bring dd to the door ready to go and make it as quick as possible with a bright and breezy "see you later dd". When he returns her, pick up your dd, take her stuff with a "bye" as you shut the door in his face.

Hissy Is moron offensive? I didn't realise.

Oh my god, just googled it. Sorry, won't be using it again.... will just stick to calling him a dick.

@RiotsNotDiets

Oh my god, just googled it. Sorry, won't be using it again.... will just stick to calling him a dick.

We completely understand you didn't mean to cause offence RiotsNotDiets, so we're just going to edit your title to avoid any further confusion.

Thanks Kate

Why is he talking about nights out and parties? Don't engage! just look over his shoulder and tell him you're looking for fucks to give just change the subject: "Anyway, same time next week?"

And yes - csa the bastard!

I think he tries to make me jealous. He always hints about recent shags too

It just makes me cringe that we were ever together.

Riots, no problemo! I completely support you here, and you have all my sympathy! :)