H Just phoned to speak to ds.... and was outside a pub absolutley STEAMING!

[Toothache]

\link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=7&threadid=180926&stamp=060615085959\my sorry tale} starts on this thread if anyone is interested....

But the situation is that when H returned to his folks down in Liverpool on Friday he agreed to phone every night to say good night to ds. Dd is too young to know whats going on. Anyway, I told ds that Daddy would phone every night etc. Well first phone call was at 8.30 tonight.... I swear he could hardly string a sentence together!!!!!

I am raging. What do I do/say?????????

Toothy, I'd make it clear to him that it's not good enough for him to be like that when speaking to ds. If he knows he's going out/likely to be pissed then he needs to speak to ds before then. How old is ds? I don't think dd would notice - she's 6 and would probably think her dad was being silly but then again he wouldn't do that. He's a knob in other ways though.

It does get easier, it really does - but it takes time.

Thanks Amanda1 - I remember your situation. That was just awful what happened to you.

Are you happy now? My ds is 5 next week. H managed to slurrrr to me that he wouldn't be back up now until ds's birthday on the 27th. I said that no matter what has gone on between us I want us to take ds to Pizza Hut that day as a family. Its HIS birthday.... and would mean a lot to him. Don't really know if its the right things to do..... in fact I don't even know if H will remember the conversation!!!

He came up on Friday, got me to transfer his wages from my account (bar the £450 I kept).... then he drove to Liverpool and is clearly pissing it up against the wall of his very dodgy local.

Toothy, a year later for me and things are great so there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's not been an easy year but that's life. Very sweet of you to ask.

I think if you can maintain civility for the sake of your kids, you're doing the right thing. I know it's hard to do when you look at your dh with such contempt over what's gone on but you can do it. At the end of the day, I want my dd to know I did all I could to foster a relationship with her and her dad. As my friends remind me (dd's dad is a bit hit and miss (more miss than hit) on paying maintenance), my dd will one day figure out that her dad didn't pay towards her upkeep and then he's gonna have to deal with her.

It's still all so raw for you right now. I think you're doing great.

God just read your first post on other thread - how terrifying.

I think itis absolutly the best possible outcome if both you and H can be civil infront of your children. but if youc ant please please dont force the issue.

it is far better for the children to know you sepreatly but happy than together and at each others throats.

as for the phone cal today, i would nto have allowed him to speak to DS in such a state. it is unfair to him...if he hasn't called so far at night its not like your ds would have been expecting the call and upset oif he hadnt received it.
i owudl have told him that claling in such a state was unacceptable and if he was at all concerned about speaking to ds he would do so before getting drunk.
then put the phone down and turn it off so that you wouldnt be disturbed by any further phone calls.

hopefully when he sobers up he will realise how terribly he has behaved and will infuture phone prior to his self indulgent evening at the pub.

You have been handling this situation so bravely hun, it is a great testimont to your strength of carachter that you can even peak about wanting to do things as a family. your a fab mum you really are.

Fattiemumma - Thanks.

He won't think he's behaved badly at all! Before he spoke to ds I said... "Well you've clearly been drinking all day!" And he said "WHHHHHAAT?" in a really nasty way. I didn't push it, I didn't want to give him the opportunity to say he'd tried to speak to ds and I'd had a go at him.

His excuse for not phoning last night was that apparently and I quote "Well I had a really bad night last night.. alright????!" Totally agressive and pissed.

I had my ear to phone the whole time though... he never even mentioned me. Just kept saying to ds "look after your sister for me" and "I love you so much you're my main man" I mean eh???