What has been your experience of RELATE regarding healing from affairs?

[Wellwobbly]

A really interesting debate (as they do) has broken out in Fireplace's thread, about how helpful RELATE counselling has been in helping marriages heal from affairs.

What has been your experience of Relate in this? How did they handle the fact of an affair, and did it help?

My experience:

I went to one session of Relate and poured out my tale of woe as to how my dearly loved husband had told me he didn't love me any more and was being cold and aloof to the point of cruelty.

She clocked him fairly well, and talked to me about how emotionally unavailable people kept people at arms length, chose workaholic (like the City, shift work) jobs, working away from home and hobbies to help facilitate this, lived behind unbreachable walls. So she was helpful.

But the real reason? HE WAS FUCKING SOMEONE and was infatuated with her and this was behind his strange disrespectful behaviour. And really, that was the reality I needed to get, in order to deal with my suddenly odd and strange life. So I am 50/50.

If she knew that the signals meant, she should have gently pointed me in the direction of thinking about it. If she didn't know, that rather supports the lack of training point. Look how quickly us jaded Mumsnetters sniff out cheating and have we ever been wrong? It is obvious, when you know the signs, and IMO counsellors should know the signs.