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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable?

13 replies

josiejump · 12/02/2004 23:32

Dh wants to go to New York for his 40th birthday for a long weekend without the children. I've said that I really don't want to go as I wouldn't be happy to be so far away from my children ( aged 5,5 and 2), but he has set his heart on going, and says that if I don't go, he'll happily go by himself. Am I being mean by refusing to go with him?

OP posts:
bobthebaby · 13/02/2004 01:01

Has this always been a dream/plan of his, or is this a sudden whim? Would you go away without the kids if it wasn't so far? Sorry for all the questions.

I wouldn't go, but then I don't think my dh would want to go by himself. He went away by himself once (airpoints needed using, but I couldn't get time off work) and hated it. Seemed to spend most of the time on the phone to me!

princesspeahead · 13/02/2004 07:46

Come on josiejump - you are only 40 once, it is only a weekend, and your children are certainly old enough to stay with grandparents etc for 3 nights or so. And to understand that you are going away for a special treat for daddy for his birthday. And since it is new york, you can come back laden down with lovely presents for them and they'll be hoping you go away more often.

If you haven't had a few days to yourself together in the last 5 years, you certainly should do it now, what a great and memorable present for your husband! Buy some new knickers before you go and have a lovely time. No question. Book now!

Original poster
josiejump · 13/02/2004 08:09

Bob, we have been to NY before (pre-children) and although dh obviously enjoyed it I had a horrible time as we'd been rowing a lot plus I had a nasty bout of cystitis. I think maybe my bad memories of the place are putting me off slightly. I don't know that I'd say it is a long-standing dream of his, but he has mentioned it several times over the last year.
Pph, another part of my concern is the childcare arrangements since both my Mum and Dh's Mum are on their own and leaving the 3 little ones with just 1 grandparent for that long seems a bit much. My Mum has already made it clear that she finds looking after the 3 of them hard work. Furthermore, the grans live 120 miles apart, so little chance of getting them together to help out.

OP posts:
bloss · 13/02/2004 08:16

Message withdrawn

Original poster
josiejump · 13/02/2004 08:32

Yes that is a possibility since the kids know and love a friend of mine who is a nanny ( though her weekend charging rates will probably give dh a heart attack!)

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WideWebWitch · 13/02/2004 09:23

agree with pph, go!

kaz33 · 13/02/2004 09:24

Go for it, you have ready made nanny - you deserve some time to yourselves and the kids will be fine, it will be an adventure for them too.

jac34 · 13/02/2004 09:28

I can understand your dilema, my own child care arrangements would not allow us to go away for more than a night without the kids. We did manage three nights last year on Valentines weekend, but my DS's really are a bit too much for my parents, and I really would not even consider it if I had three kids.
I suggest he either forks out for the Nanny or he has to go alone.
I know how you feel though, I'm always getting badgered by DH to go away and leave the kids with my parents, but I'm just not happy about it for more than a night.

Stargazer · 13/02/2004 10:02

Snap!! That's what we're doing at the end of April. DH will be 40 and we are celebrating our 3rd anniversary. DS (8) and DD (2) will be looked after by their Nanna. It's going to be great - we're both looking forward to it enormously.

Josie - go for it - time together without the children is really good and you'll enjoy them so much more when you get back.

Evita · 13/02/2004 10:47

I'm a little envious to be honest. I wish my dp wanted to go away with me for a weekend! I have trouble persuading him we might have an evening out together. If I were you I'd go, if he's so keen he can pay for the nanny and your kids might see it as a fun weekend too.

tallulah · 13/02/2004 17:14

We went to Boston for 3 days when our kids were 1.5, 3.5, 5.5 & 7, leaving them with the grandparents. We had a great time & so did they! Go for it!

nearlyfour · 13/02/2004 18:18

Josiejump, we did exactly the same thing for my 40th last year, leaving behind our then three year old dd. I was apprehensive but also REALLY wanted to go. I LOVE New York! DD stayed with her childminder, and had a ball, no problems at all, and of course then enjoyed all the guilt trip pressies we had bought for her. The Disney shop is so much cheaper over there!

I would definitely say go, your children will be fine, they have each other, and you and dh deserve some time together on your own. ENJOY!

Original poster
josiejump · 13/02/2004 21:48

Thanks everyone for your views. Dh absolutely chuffed this evening when discussing it that I am considering going IF we can organise proper childcare. He was very surprised that Mumsnetters on the whole are pro making the trip ( think he secretly considers us rabidly anti-man... don't know where he gets that idea from!)

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