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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I see my PILS more..

3 replies

allthatglittersisnotgold · 28/08/2013 13:03

Just that really, noticed a thread on here about how often one sees their parents. Even when the relationships aren't great, general consesus seems to be at least 4 times a year!

I don't get on with my PILs, or rather they don't get on with me, have posted before about them. Didn't even say hello to me first time we met in their own house, went downhill from there. DP has admitted to me they were equally as frosty to his previous GF's. Relationship over 6 years is tense with them, but non confrontational in recent years. MIL is massively passive aggresive, regularly makes digs at how we run our house, where we've chosen to live, our expenditures etc.

Long story short I have seen them once so far this year and although it was bearable the usual digs came about and generally making me feel unwelcome in their home. I have invited them to ours all year but they wont'/can't be bothered as MIL doesn't like where we live! Regardless of the fact her DS lives there with me!

We're just about to tell them that my DP won't be going home for x mas/ taking me to join him ( I prefer x mas at my own parents anyway). We shall be hosting at our flat-first time ever and I'm quite excited. They are welcome to choose a day to join us and I will do the entertaining. they can stay overnight. (They don't live more than 2 hours away). This won't go down well.

I'm reluctant to make more effort now tbh, my stress levels are better without it. Should I feel guilty? I do a little, but why won't they make the effort to visit us throughout the year.

OP posts:
EldritchCleavage · 28/08/2013 13:12

I think they have made their position quite clear, really, so there is no reason for you to be working so hard to change things. They don't accept your invitations at all, and for a silly reason, so there is no need to keep making them. They sound as though they are fairly open about not liking you, so I wouldn't feel bad about not traveling to see them and letting your DP go on his own.

If they complain about not seeing you, the answer is well, they haven't accepted the invitations they've offered. If DP isn't happy to go on his own, the answer is for him to be firmer with them about making you welcome.

But ultimately it is you who has to give yourself permission to stop banging your head against the PIL wall.

Viking1 · 28/08/2013 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cailinsalach · 28/08/2013 14:35

I do not engage with my ils at all. Ever. We had a huge fall out after Fil died 15 years ago. My exH didn't speak to them for a couple of years but accepted their phone calls and now has friendly albeit sporadic contact.
I just can't be arsed. They are still the same people who tried to rip us off financially and said incredibly cruel things about my children. Feck em.

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