How often do you see your parents?

[pacific407]

I was hoping for a bit of a sanity check because I'm screwing myself up over something (quite trivial) to do with my parents.
Bit of background - until I had my DS 2 years ago I used to see my parents maybe 3 or 4 times per year. I have always had quite a good relationship with them I suppose, but at times my relationship with my mum has been difficult, and my dad had affairs and their relationship is a bit weird and unfortunately my brother and I got caught up in that a bit when we were teenagers. The upshot is, I was very independent, lived my own life etc and saw them only occasionally for Christmas and family events.
Now I have my DS, and they are more demanding. I feel like I spend my life managing their expectations about how often they can come and stay. In addition, my dad has changed jobs and is now based much closer to us, so he has got into the habit of coming over about once a week to stay the night.
I find this all very weird and stressful - I really like doing my own thing and need my space, so suddenly finding myself with my dad staying every week is difficult.
But, he is a very difficult man to talk to. He gets defensive at any perceived criticism/slight, and I dread raising the subject with him. So before I do, I wanted to know how often people generally see their parents when they are adults?! It sounds like a weird question and I know it is likely to vary from person to person, but do people feel obligated to see their parents a certain amount now that they have children? How do you all manage your parents' expectations as regards access to grandchildren? Should I just be putting up and shutting up and recognising that my dad is an important person in my DS's life so he should be able to see him whenever he wants?

Thanks everyone!

My mum and dad live at the top of our street, I walk past several times a day on the school run.

Since christmas I call in to see my mum on the way back from school most days, during school holidays at least twice a week. She has terminal cancer and not much time left so I see her as much as I can. I used to see her twice a week before she got ill as we'd go into town together and she'd take me to do the weekly shop as I don't drive. I really miss it.

I see my dad most days when he's finished work as he picks up any heavy shopping for me.

DCs go up on average once a week for a couple of hours, they adore my parents as they get spoiled rotten.

When my mother was alive we saw her once in the week without my dad & usually each once each weekend. They never really babysat as they lived half an hour away but one year my Xmas present was them babysitting at New Year.

Immediately after my mum died we saw my dad several times a week then gradually less often as he has rebuilt his life & moved 90 minutes away. He means well but is unreliable & has never really grown up.

I moved abroad and at first visited often, then realised they weren't too bothered about seeing me or their grandchildren so I haven't been back in over 3 years. I'm planning to visit in person every 5 years.

My mother and I skype once a month and my dad may or may not say hello, he's there but cba.

It's highly individual. You have to work out a system that suits you.

PIL we see once a month or maybe forthrightly. They live 2.5 hours drive away.

Neither my parents nor PILs live close to us, so we cant see them just for a day/afternoon. We see PIL (who live about 3 hours drive away) about 6 times a year, usually fora weekend but sometimes a bit longer. We see my parents (who are further away) about 4 times a year, usually for about 4 days. This is split between PIL/parents visiting us and us visiting them (although they probably come to us more often).

I think it really does depend on how close you live. My borther lives near my parents and they see each other maybe once a week, and my parents sometimes looks after my neices for a day or 2 during the week.

Every week, sometimes miss a few weeks but see them loads more since I had dc. I stay over at there's quite a bit as dc love it. It does totally depend on tje relationship you have with them though. You can only spend the amount of time that you wish to with them but they won't be around for ever and one day you won't be able to spend time with them at all. Is there any part of you that would like to develop the relationship??

I see my mum once a week, but we chat on the phone daily. Dont see my dad as often, but we chat regularly. I wouldnt mind my parents staying over just once a week - & I know my DCs would love it. There are worse things in life, for me...

When theyre both dead and no longer at the end of the phone or at home to visit, I'll have more than enough space and time in my life to totally do my own thing - whilst missing them and wishing they were still here.

Re. your dad getting defensive at any perceived criticism/slight, my dad's like that too. He has some old fashioned ways. I love him but I put him in his place re. over-defensivenes.. I feel thats something you can sort out without falling out completely. Hopefully