Anyone actually wanted a perfectly healthy but old person...

[notanotter]

.....to die??
My dear Grandmother ( more of a mother to me than my own ever was) has lost her husband My grandfather ( ditto) earlier this year.
I feel she would just rather not be here anymore - she is not the same person - all verve has gone.
She told me today the one positive thing about the future was that it would not go on forever.
I kind of wish it was over for her as this is not the feisty woman I know and love and I feel its sort of 'spoiling' her life.
Anyone understand?

Yes.

To everything there is a season...

I think it's one of the reasons you hear about old couples dying within months of each other. If there's nothing to go on for, they don't go on.

Its so odd - she is not poorly but seems to have given up!

My dear grandmother lived for 20 years after my grandad died. She lost her sight and sort of shrivelled up. She was never the same, never as happy, never the confidence. It was so sad to see. She was a truly wonderful lady but I did often wish her pain away..

Yes, my Gran was like this after my Grandad died, she totally lost the spark she had when he was alive.

My grandmother too, used to lie and wait to die. It was awful to watch, but all you can do is peay that it doesn't take too long for their own sake.

It's natural,when you can see how unhappy they are.

I want my mother to die....to be fair she isn't healthy. She is totaly demented and has been in a psychiatric hospital for 4 years. She has no idea of who I am, or who she is, if I am honest. She can't walk or talk and has to be fed and changed. this all stared when my dad died, she lost the will to live.

She was a fiesty woman and I know that this isn't what she would want....god, this isn't what anyone would want. In her more lucid moments 4 years ago she told me that she didn't want to love like this.

Her care is first rate, the nurses who look after her are angelic, but this is a living hell and I wish it was all over.

mb - I know by this stage it's much harder on those left behind.

nao - my grandmother decided she'd had enough at 98 (still basically healthy) and stopped eating. She was hospitalised, but it was her choice, and she did know what she was doing. We had to accept it and try to make her death as peaceful as possible.

DH's grandad was like this. He had been a widow for about 20 years and was really just waiting to die. When my goddaughter died nearly 3 years ago (aged 19) he said he wished he had died in her place

My grandmother died not long after my dad. Apart from the obvious strong attachment, he was the only one who could make her hearing aid work

Thankyou everyone - I almost feel guilty for thinking she would be better not here...
I ask her blunt questions all the time and tell her everytime i see her (twice a week) what she has meant to me because i feel she is just fading so so quickly.
She is not poorly...just sad sad sad and soo philosophical!

my grandad was like this when my nan died about 15 years ago.

he would cry in the toilets for hours and just wanted to be with her.
but he got better in time. he died 2 years ago and i can say he was the youngest 75 year old i eve knew. i would give anything for him to be here with me now and although he is happy with my nan now im sure he would rather be here too.

aww Fattie.... I worshipped my dgp (!) who died just weeks before my baby was born this year.... he too had my sense of humour etc ..its lovely that at least we have had this closeness. Maybe my Grandma will emerge from this but i think not...her fight has gone and so suddenly