Am I being over sensitive about this? What would you do?

[IndestructibleGirl]

So, I moved into a flat with two other twenty somethings (a girl and a guy) three months ago. They seemed nice enough, and I knew they were longterm friends and took it for granted they'd be much more pally with each other and was fine about it.

But steadily, over the last couple of months, they've started essentially ignoring me. I don't know why I even care, but I do- it's just unpleasant to have someone come into a shared room, studiously pretend you're not there and mutter a hello if I say it first. I've never experienced anything like this (lived in many shared houses over the years) and it is getting me down a bit. Home doesn't feel terribly relaxing. I don't want to be best friends, I just would like to exchange a couple of pleasantries in a relaxed and genuinely friendly way. I have tried making conversation- and they give short answers and avoid eye contact. The eye contact thing is so unsettling.

There was one incident with one of them (the one who seems to dislike me most) when my phone rang several times at an early hour one morning. It woke up my flatmate next door, and she went crazy screaming at me- she works in a bar and needed to sleep late after a shift. On that occasion she ranted and raved on and then I finally snapped and shouted back, then I approached her the next day saying could we talk and sort things out. We both apologized, and I thought things were ok.

Argh, I don't really know how to handle this. Do I just ignore them back? Say something? I really don't feel like saying anything, as if they are trying to intimidate me that will just confirm to them they're getting to me..

What would you do in this situation?

Move

Unfortunately I can't do that right now because of money and lack of shared properties in the area- I wish I could move rightaway. I'll probably need to stay put for another four or five months. But I'd be interested in hearing of any ways those months might be made easier?

I suspect you are past the point of no return. There is no rule in life saying you have to like everyone and vice versa. Do you have any friends you can plan to flatshare with in the near future?

In the meantime, remain civil and try not to take it to heart. I am sorry you are going through this - to feel unwanted in your home is very hard to deal with and you have my hugs.

Kill them with kindness - in a very passive aggressive manner!

I had this problem at Uni and got a great deal of perverse satisfaction from doing this

You could first ask them if there was anything you'd done to upset them ? Other than that I would probably just slip into never being there ! Probably what they want ?

You're going to have to move. Spending another 4-5 days is going to be hard enough, let alone months fgs!

If I were you i'd make it damned clear that they are being rude, un pleasant and that you loathe living there. You'd move in a heartbeat, so if they hear of anyone looking for a flatmate to let you know and you'll be gone in a shot.

Tell them that the alternative is 4-5 months and it's too depressing for you to think about. Clearly they wish you were gone as much as you do, so if they can help in anyway it'll be best for all concerned. It may shame them into being less twattish with you.

Put the word out with all your friends and colleagues.

Thanks for the replies, I'm glad that it doesn't sound as though I'm simply being too sensitive.

I feel so pathetic for even admitting this, but I took a diazapam half an hour ago because they came home and I just started feeling really edgy and upset.

I really cannot afford to move though, I have ongoing financial commitments that hoover up a chunk of my income that I can't afford to let slide. I'll need to have more money coming in, which I hopefully will in a few months if I get promoted at work, before I can commit to higher rent than I pay here. Moneywise this place is a very good deal, so my options for alternative housing are limited.

I have plenty of good friends and am very happy with my social life apart from this. I'm quite bewildered by it all, really.

I can relate to this on some levels. I was a lodger with a woman in her 40s, I'm in my 20s. We started off fine but she ended up bullying me. It was horrendous. I felt so low and depressed the whole time I was there (just under a year). I made a point of being nice and sometimes it was ok but she was a heavy drinker and when she was drunk or needed a drink it was horrible.
I'm afraid I have very little advice other than to stick to your room, be nice to them when you can and make plans to move ASAP. I, like you, couldn't move, for money reasons and because there was nothing locally. Can't tell you how good it felt to finally leave.
Stay strong and keep looking to move out. I know how utterly horrible this situation is and i have the upmost sympathy for you!!!!

I agree with Doris.

Could you just be really friendly. If they are watching TV just sit next to them on the sofa and ask how their day was. When you cook always ask if they would like some, too. Or if you pop to the shops ask if they need anything. If it breaks the ice, great. If not, just enjoy winding them up.

I'd also invite friends over a lot. I'd sit in the living room instead of your own room and then you will have 'safety in numbers' and feel more relaxed.

We had house share issues at uni and the best way to deal with it was by being overtly friendly and seeming blind to their snubs and by filling the house with your own friends!