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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just how to stop

9 replies

stripeylawn · 27/08/2013 16:28

I am in a very unhappy marriage. I feel like I can't end it for various reasons the biggest one being I feel H is a decent father who is very involved with his children. Recently someone at work has started paying me attention. I like this person but never contemplated that they would ever like me. I could also not contemplate cheating still struggle with that concept even though I don't believe I owe H any loyalty. However how can I stop myself from getting carried away?

Feeling appreciated and complemented is almost like a drug after a marriage where I rarely feel both those things. I know I need to stop as I am confusing myself and probably the OM. However I find that the bit of attention I get keeps me away from the edge of depression. OM is very decent and that makes it all the harder. He has emotional maturity and excels in areas my H seriously lacks.

I know that this is a classic post in these circumstances. I can't go no contact as I work with OM. Absolutely nothing has happened between us.

I just want to behave my age and accept that I am in the infatuation stage which is unrealistic and unhealthy. However this has highlighted to me how little I get in this marriage at a personal level.

I feel I am at the indifferent stage with my H.

OP posts:
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 27/08/2013 16:32

Nothing good will come of it, trust me. Ignore, ignore, ignore. It will only add stress to your life.

Boomba · 27/08/2013 16:35

You need to leave your husband

Hamwidgeandcheps · 27/08/2013 17:42

Yep you need to leave your husband

Dahlen · 27/08/2013 18:06

First off you need to be completely honest with yourself before you do anything else.

How much of this unhappiness was obvious to you before you met the man at work? People on the cusp of an affair often apply this unhappiness retrospectively. They aren't always being dishonest (in the sense of consciously trying to provide justification for an affair). Often they are convinced that their feelings are genuine and that all meeting the new person has done is give them clarity. However, it's still justification, whether they realise it or not.

THe second thing you need to be brutally honest with yourself about is why you cannot leave your DH. Lots of people hide behind their children with excuses about not wanting to break up the family etc when what they really mean is that they don't want the emotional fallout of a divorce, the guilt of being the one to end it, the perceived social stigma, the worry over losing an income, the inconvenience of having to move home, or simply just the loss of what is familiar. If you don't want to split for any of those reasons, they are just as valid as saying "I don't want to deprive the DC of a good father", but far more honest and self aware. When you know the real reason you don't want to leave, it can often become less insurmountable.

You ask how you can stop yourself becoming carried away with yourself. Honesty (with yourself) is the only solution. The truth is that if you don't want to have an affair, you won't. No one will make you. Asking for advice on how to prevent yourself becoming carried away is a classic first step in the process of giving yourself permission to do just that.

The truth is that if you have an affair, you will be able to provide justification for it. You can tell others that your H neglected you and was an appalling partner. It may even be true and some people will undoubtedly feel sympathy for you and refuse to judge you. But you'll never be able to hide the truth from yourself. If you are a habitual self-deluder, this may not be a problem. But if you are normally a good, honest person who takes responsibility for their actions and tries to do the right thing, eventually you'll hate yourself for getting 'carried away' no matter how well you've been able to convince everyone else.

MexicanHat · 27/08/2013 18:47

Great post Dahlen Extremely insightful and absolutely spot on.

stripeylawn · 27/08/2013 19:10

Dahlen your post is very accurate. My H really has been appalling and I should have left a long time ago. There are some very additional valid reasons in your post as to why I haven't left my H. Maybe the most overwhelming one after him being a good father is a fear of the unknown and being left to cope alone.

I am very honest with myself which is why I have not taken any further steps despite there being opportunities. However I also resent the fact that throughout this marriage I have always done the right thing and been the one who has thought things through whereas H just does exactly what he wants and I have faced the fallout.

The added dilemma is that my H has changed and is continuing to try and change but I cannot switch my feelings back on. There is too much damage and resentment on my part. This is the first time in my marriage that I have even allowed myself to acknowledge that someone is interested in me and that I have not stopped the attention dead in its tracks. Don't get me wrong i am no oil painting so no fast and furious offers just some now and then.

So I suppose yes on top of everything there is also some guilt and possibly fear on my part that I should be embracing his change and helping to make this marriage work. It scares me when I look at different i feel about him now.

OP posts:
Fairenuff · 27/08/2013 20:47

A good father with treat the mother of his children with respect. He would teach his children, by his actions, how a relationship should be. As parents, you are role models. What are you teaching your children?

Dahlen · 27/08/2013 22:22

You say that this is the first time in your marriage that you have allowed yourself to acknowledge that someone is interested in you. Why is that, do you think? Something has changed. You can't go back to what you had before because you've now opened Pandora's box, even if you don't take things further with the man at work.

So you're now faced with building a new reality. How you do that is down to you.

Sadly, the most likely outcome for people in your situation is that you'd take the route of an affair. Despite the subterfuge, stress, guilt and spectacular fallout after discovery, people persist in believing that this is easier than calmly telling their partner that it's over before involving a third party. Sometimes, people who are so browbeaten by a dysfunctional marriage remain in some sort of paralysis and can only leave because of an affair - the so-called 'exit affair'. It still has the same fallout though.

If your H has genuinely been a poor H for many years, neglecting you, hurting you and placing all the responsibility on your shoulders, you don't owe him the chance to turn things around. If it's genuinely too little too late, don't be guilted into staying while he makes his last-ditch attempt to talk you round. Why now? Is it perhaps because he senses you are close to leaving him finally? What does that tell you about how much effort he'd make if you weren't contemplating leaving and how does that make you feel? If the marriage is making you thoroughly miserable and only getting worse, leave. There is no shame in that. Life is too short to spend it married to a man who makes you miserable and treats you appallingly.

OTOH, if you're only now choosing to see his shortcomings, like many betrayed spouses he's suffering the indignity of fighting to rekindle feelings you have already transferred elsewhere. Even if he's an arse, don't use it as an excuse to behave as badly as he has. It will only destroy your self respect ultimately. Leave instead.

Often, the fear of leaving is worse than the act, and once you've taken that first step, things take on a momentum of their own. If you have genuine fears about how your H may behave, by all means plan your exit first. In fact, assuming your H has been the primary earner all these years, I'd advise you to do just that - obtain copies of all important legal documents and bank accounts, seek some free legal advice, think about where you're going to live and how you're going to pay for it, see what benefits (if any) you're entitled to, CSA payments, etc.

Having an affair, or even just daydreaming about it, is not the solution though.

stripeylawn · 28/08/2013 22:00

Dahlen again a great post.

The OM has not catapulted me into realising that my husband has been appalling. He genuinely has been appalling. The OM has made me feel that I matter whereas all my husband does is make me feel that I don't matter.

You may be right in that my H may have detected a change (or many changes) in me recently. I have stopped trying in the face of constant rejection from every angle.

I have told the OM that an affair is out of the question for a multitude of reasons and he has respected that. It is difficult keeping my distance even though he looks at me with such tenderness. But I agree with everything you say. What is heartbreaking is that the OM has shown me what a healthy partner would say and do.

Unfortunately I have been neglected emotionally and physically for so long that what the OM is offering seems like food after a famine. However I know that after the initial headiness the affair would look like a car crash.

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