Upping the romance

[sushidave]

In the wake of our not-so-new DD (9m), DH and I have become last on each others? lists. This needs Looking At before it gets worse, so I?m nosey/curious to hear about the little things you do for your DP which makes them feel special.

We don?t have time for long lunches any more or the money for posh meals out, but things like a kiss hello before picking the baby up to play or a surprise cup of tea can make a big difference.

In short, I feel taken for granted, he feels knackered and underappreciated, and we just need to try a bit harder to remind the other that they?re our favourite (adult) person in the world.

And I KNOW that it?s all about using one?s imagination and making it personal so the last thing I should be doing is asking you lot for advice, but I?m just so TIRED

I've got a 5 month old baby and know what you mean. I know that small things can make a big difference but I'm barely functioning and would love some pointers so bumping this for you

Ok: cheap and (almost) effortless:

• smile at each other a lot

• sit on the same sofa when vegging out in front of a screen, and make sure some arts of your bodies are touching
• text friendly messages during the day
• foot massage
• do frivolous stuff together - play chess, cards, board games
• limit individual screen time
• daily compliment (feels forced at first, becomes a nice habit surprisingly quickly)

Is DD sleeping through the night reliably? If so, a M&S dine-in-for-two meal with a few candles on the kitchen table can work wonders, especially if you dress up. Cheap and easy.

When you first fall in love you have that wonderful feeling where you don't need TV/cinema/bowling/any-other-activity because it's enough just to be together to talk. Part of the reason for that is because you give each other your undivided attention and knowing that someone is focussing 100% on you is a very heady feeling. Turn off the TV and talk to try to recreate that. Doesn't matter if it's about DD. She's the most influential factor in your life at the moment, so it would be a bit odd to ban yourselves from talking about her. However, make her the focal point of you as a couple, rather than her as an individual. Talk about how she;s changed you as people and as a couple, how you can pull together as a result of that, etc.

Make a list of things that DH could do for you to make you feel special - e.g. run you a candle-lit bath, back massage etc. Ask him to do the same. There's no shame in asking. You're not psychic and it's not a reflection on how much you care for him if you don't know instinctively. It would be if you decided you didn't know and CBA to find out, but by asking you are finding out and therefore making it clear how much he matters to you.

Good luck.

Brilliant advice chaps. I'm on it!