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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I think I need to leave

40 replies

Learnyourabc · 26/08/2013 23:28

I jus don't know how.
I've nc for this and there's a tonne I could write but here's the main bits.

We have been together 7 years and have dd 3 years.
the last year or so has just been fucking awful. He resents the fact that I'm a sahm and don't contribute financially to rent and bills ect. I get 20 paid into my bank per week which is family allowance. This HAS to last a week and if i doesnt it tough shit till next week basically, out of this I need to buy food for all 3 of us for the week, toiletries for me and dd and anything else she needs. everyday he tells me in useless and pathetic for not working and relying on family allowance to feed dd This hurts more than all the names he calls me.
I have no friends to talk to, he says its because I'm fat and ugly and an embarrassment to been seen with.
He constantly puts me down and makes me feel like shit.
I have been having a lot of panic attacks lately he mimics the same sounds and laughs at me along with been verbally abusive towards me.
I only have to look at him the wrong way for the name calling to start. That then spirals physically with him throwing plates ect at me or kicking and spitting at me.
There have been a few occasion s when dd has heard him scream names at me and he just laughs and calls me pathetic
I knew I am stupid for staying this long but seriously didn't know how I could leave with literally £20 in my bank and nowhere to go.
So please anyone go any advice in the first step out.

OP posts:

Original poster

Learnyourabc · 27/08/2013 00:54

I think they just got fed up of me never going out or making excuses as to why I had to cancel.
Nobody knows anything about the way he treats me I have been putting a front on far too long. My mum does know I'm unhappy at the minute though she doesn't know why.

OP posts:

MamaTo3Boys · 27/08/2013 00:57

I know its a difficult decision to make, but home move and new nursery is the lesser of 2 evils. She'll easily get over the change. It won't be so easy to get over the violence xxx

MamaTo3Boys · 27/08/2013 01:00

My family had no clue what was going on either until I rang them from the womens refuge I was in.

Apparently they'd been trying to get hold of me for weeks but every time they phoned xp answered and told them I wasn't in/asleep/bathing the kids etc etc. and he out it in my head that they hadnt ring because they didnt want anything to do with me x

Original poster

Learnyourabc · 27/08/2013 01:05

A few days ago he asked if I've spoke to my mam, i said no why?he comes back with 'no that's cos she fucking hates you, like I do'

OP posts:

Original poster

Learnyourabc · 27/08/2013 01:08

He does play a lot of mind games he usually hides my bank card then explodes at me if I ask if he's seen it.

The more I write the more I wonder why I didn't do this months ago. He's right in one way I am an idiot for putting up with this shit.

OP posts:

MamaTo3Boys · 27/08/2013 01:10

Yeh I've heard that one before and also "the kids are better off with out you coz youre a shit mum"

He'd say anything to try and break me and make me believe I needed him and had no one else. It's all about control x

MamaTo3Boys · 27/08/2013 01:16

Don't be so hard on yourself. It takes a lot of courage to even open your eyes to whats actually going on around you. I played it down for ages thinkin if I hadn't wound him up... Or if I hadn't said this or done that... Etc etc x

InTheRedCorner · 27/08/2013 10:39

He has taken your confidence away.

You will make new friends and gain old ones back once you leave him.

PottedPlant · 27/08/2013 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 27/08/2013 15:07

He sounds like a cock.

Excellent advice here. I hope you're able to take it.

Where does the child benefit go? It's about £80 a month isn't it? Is that what he's giving you each week?

Good luck x

hellsbellsmelons · 27/08/2013 15:23

He sounds absolutely vile.
And you really do need to get out.
Women's Aid phone number won't show up on your bill.
I hope you have managed to call them.
They will help get you out quick sharp.
Keep posting on here so we know you are safe.
And make sure you delete your internet history so he can't see what you are planning.
Good luck with everything.

InTheRedCorner · 27/08/2013 22:29

How are you LYA

MamaTo3Boys · 27/08/2013 22:44

Intheredcorner - I was just thinking the same thing...

InTheRedCorner · 27/08/2013 22:51

I feel so sorry for the op and the many others that love their lives like this. Not your fault at all LYA but its so sad when you can see it al through words but can't do anymore than post support.

I wish you and you DC a happier future.

japonicabumsplatt · 27/08/2013 22:57

Do it LYA. You won't look back for a minute once the shadow of that arsehole is just a memory. That is all he will, a memory that will fade in the fullness of time. don't let it continue a minute longer than it has to.
It happened to me. Once. I didn't care where I ended up, because it would be mine and DD's. He wouldn't be in it, he wouldn't ever be able to spoil it. From then on, life just got better and better.

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