Not sure what to do now!

[Wtfdoidonow]

Been together for 20 years two children 15 and 7. We have drifted apart recently found out he is having an EA although he denies this. Apparently she is just a friend he has an amazing connection with. Although he lied about seeing her on many occasions.

I am angry about the deceit and lies but actually strangely relieved and can see a future without him. I just don't know what to do next or how we are going tell the children and family.

I think he wants me to throw him out but I think that's taking the easy way out. He will just pack a bag and go and leave me to deal with the fallout. Am I mad to think that we can actually plan for our eventual seperation and take our time to get there.

Big family holiday planned for next year. I still want to go as kids are really looking forward to it. I would like that to be the last thing we do as a family. Am I mad?

Thanks for the quick response. I am actually quite concerned at how calm I am so I think there is an element if shock. We have been together for such a long time and have grown up together I think maybe I am in some way delaying the inevitable.

I haven't been able to tell anyone in real life yet. I have always been the person who people come to with their problems and find it hard to admit when I need help.

Our friends and family will be so shocked and won't have seen this coming so again I am delaying telling them as I don't want them to be upset.

I know I have to admit the situation and move on but it all seems so hard.

There's no time pressure though, is there? You do whatever you feel able to manage. As long as the mood is respectful and pleasant you won't be damaging anyone. Don't wait to act until you're completely miserable though. Life is too precious for that.

i don't think you're mad wtf. you sound pretty functional and 'with it' to me in the sense of accepting ok this chapter is coming to an end, i knew it would really, it's no surprise surprisingly so let's manage it as positively as possible and make it ok for everyone.''.

if that's crazy it's a good kind of crazy imo. you've clearly already emotionally detached to some degree so are able to be cool headed.

take your time, talk it through (to whatever degree of honesty he's capable of because it's rare two people both reach such a sane viewpoint at the same time) and see what you both think.

Thanks good to hear you don't all think I am com

small steps. small steps don't think you are mad at all. recently had a bombshell too which could leas to separation but its early days. but I have thought ahead to when it would be best to make it official if it did end. like sorting out finances, paying loans off first etc.
I think u should tell someone in RL. you need that support too.
take each day at a time.

Sorry try again. Good to hear you don't all think I'm mad.

I dread telling the kids and don't want them to think badly of their Dad. He really is a good father. I also think we could come out the other side as friends.

Lot's to think about.

course not mad. human. and just had life changing news. we all have to do what's right for our own different personal circumstances. good luck

just bear in mind you don't have 'control'. knowing it could/should be handled maturely and decently etc doesn't mean it will be.

people can be very strange