Is it ok to speak to the doctor about DH?

[Everquake]

Is it ever ok for someone to speak to the doctor about their DP without telling their partner of their intention?

(Will elaborate later if needed, but just want some opinions)

If it's the only way to get help then yes I would

I'm not sure what the doctor could do though without his consent, Hippocratic oath and all that?

Yes but if asked directly unless evidence your DH was not sound of mind the doctor will have to tell your DH that the conversation occurred. And the doctor can listen but cannot tell you anything about previous interactions or lack of them that they've had with your DH.

I think you need to speak to your dh. Make the appointment for him but go along with him. would he be willing to see a doctor?

I think it's fine if you are looking for advice or assurance on something. I considered going to see the doctor about my mum as I was sure she had some mental health issues. Thankfully I was able to convince her go go herself so I didn't have to in the end, but people commonly do it about their elderly parents etc. I don't see any reason why you can't for a partner. It is just how you then raise your discussion with a partner afterwards that you have to be careful about.

I asked if I could go with him. He refused.

I get the strong impression that he is telling her something different to what he is telling me. I'm not really interested in knowing what he has told her, more that I think he's not being entirely honest.

Why would the doctor have to tell him? If I went to the doctor asking for advice, surely I would have the same right to confidentiality that he has? Or does it not work like that. Just that she could ask some leading questions...

But it feels like it would be a huge breach of trust.

You can speak to the doctor about him but the doctor will only be able to listen to you and not discuss him with you. Unless your DH gives the GP permission.

Eg you believe he has told the GP he has stopped drinking but he is having a bottle of vodka a day - you can tell the GP. But the GP cannot tell you- Oh but Bob told me he stopped drinking. Because he has a duty of confidentiality. But the GP may decide to ask Bob in more detail next time and perhaps advise a blood test which would confirm things, IYKWIM.

MMWA has made a very good response. It fits with my experience.

In the past I have written a letter to DP's GP, not expecting a reply; just felt I had to do SOMETHING. I was v surprised to receive a personal acknowledgement. No details that could betray confidentiality, just a "thanks for the info, I'll bear that in mind" type of thing

Good luck!

Why would the doctor have to tell him?

Not sure what you're asking. Are you wanting to convey information about your DH to the doctor but asking the doctor not to tell your DH you have done so? You're aware that the doctor won't convey information to you without your DH's permission because he is the patient.

If you want the doctor to maintain confidentiality with you, that would really need to be about you (i.e. you as the patient) unless the situation is particularly sensitive. I don't think you have any right of confidentiality based on being a relative of the patient.

I think if I were you I would go to the GP and explain the situation, and she can then decide what it's appropriate to enter into your husband's medical record.

there are very very few circumstances when doctors will break confidentiality

if for instance your DP is complaining of chest pain which he says must be indigestion but you suspect not you can say to GP " I am worried about DP he keeps waking in night with chest paijn or after he runs he tells me it is just indigestion but I am worried because I do not think it is"

so the Dr will not say oh yes your Dp has x, y or Z but they will take it on board , doctor does not need to tell DP you have said this; of course it is Dp's right not to tell you if he has high blood pressure or something even though it would be in his best interest for you to know

What the others say - you can tell the GP, but they won't be able to tell you anything they already know, or whether or not or what action they will take.

When my mother got ill, she completely ignored us when we questioned her ability to drive. I called the GP, and said we had concerns about her abilities to drive, and could he say something? He said he couldn't tell us anything - but I know he did say something, as my mother later said that he'd asked her about driving. So I think it's always worth saying something, even if you don't know if anything will happen.