Please hold my hand- I've thrown DH out.

[shootfromthehip]

Just to give you a little background, I have been very unhappy in my marriage for a very long time. I should have walked away long before now but I really believed that I could find a way to make it work: I was wrong. Things came to a head last weekend and I asked him to leave on Monday. I'm heartbroken. I have spent five yrs (or thereabouts) really trying to keep my family together but I've simply run out of the desire to do so. Since asking him to leave, DH is now adamant that he understands all of our problems and can change. I think he's clutching at straws. I know in my heart and my head that he won't change but there is still a bit of me that wants to believe him, despite that.

I still love him but the version of him that he was when I met him, not the man he is now. However, I am completely financially ruined if I proceed with the split. I know that really isn't a reason to take him back either but I guess I'm just starting to panic. I'm so very, very sad and lonely and just need someone to keep me resolved. Please tell me that I can do it and will end up happier eventually.

I don't know how to advise you but just wanted to hold your hand until someone wise comes along. You've posted in the right place....the wise ladies here helped me out when I asked my dp to go.
The one piece of advice I can give and that I truly believe in is: give yourself time and listen to your heart
Good luck x

Oh shoot yours and my situations were not too dissimilar. You have tried so hard, so admirably. Try not to think about finances right now. You are finally being honest with yourself, and starting to look after yourself. You and your dc will flourish, as a result, and as you do so you teaching your kids a valuable lesson. Just take baby steps for now: you've done a good thing and the future will be brighter.

Thank you- I just feel so alone. Which is ironic as that's the main reason that I've asked him to go. I'm just wavering out of fear. I know that I am doing the right thing long term. It just stings like anything at this present moment. x

Of course it does. You've tried so hard : that is because of your strength and you ability to care. That bit inside that feels like it wants to believe your hubby when he says he can change : that's the caring person in you, wanting to protect him somehow from the hurt. Just acknowledge it and breathe deeply and listen to the calm and simplicity from finally being true to yourself. PM me whenever you like. I know it's not the done thing but I send you a long, lingering hug. And plenty of as required.

Assuming you're in Britain, financially ruined is not the end of the world. You can rebuild. Far easier to recover from that than emotionally ruined.

The way I've felt since my separation is that I'm better off feeling alone and at peace, than feeling alone in a bad relationship. As a wise mumsnetter told me once "it is better to walk alone than to be badly accompanied". Give yourself time and get through these early few weeks.

Thanks slippery. I just feel broken. And bitterly disappointed. I am not perfect though and the guilt of my own part in it all is what is making me think about taking him back, not a real desire to be with him.

Thanks all- I appreciate it- I need people that have lived it to let me know that I can do it.