how do i get off this roundabout and get thru to him?

[coco35]

Here are two examples of my dh behaviour. Not overtly abusive but so moody and i find it hard to have reasonable conversations with him at times.
So last week we were out for a dive with dc's (one of whom is a teen). I wanted to listen to a particular radio station he wantd another. In fact he wanted to listen to teenager station which was ridiculous. But for once i got my way, so i was happy out until the subject they were discussing changed to sex therapist coming on next etc etc. so naturally enough i changed it over as who wants to listen to that in front of dc's - inappropriate imo. so he started "joking" that we had to listen to that as it was what i wanted to listen so it was stayin on now etc. I was acutely embarrassed and thought he was being such a sh*t.

So this weekend i am sick with a uti. he was in the pub fri eve when it started. he came home about 10pm and was very nice and looked after me as he was yest. He slept in another room last nite to let me sleep well. So he came in this mornin with a cuppa for us both. Hardly asked me how i was just demanded a pillow. I said go get another one. He said he wanted one as i only needed two. So childish and unreasonble (him not me!). Basically he was in a mood for some reason. So he spat the dummy and said "fine if thats the way you want it" and stormed off. He says this alot by the way - whenever he doesnt get exactly his own way.

So after having many many problems in our marraige he is gone out for the day with dc's. He told me i am lazy and just want to live my life in bed. and that if i have a problem to have his bag packed when he gets back and we will end it now.

Belive me this marragie has been dying a slow death for a long time. But like all the "fine so suit yorself" stuff he says he doesnt really mean it.

Like i say hes not aggressive as such but so moody and the sec he doesnt get his own way he storms off / starts slagine me. He goes from deeply worried about me to not giving a shit and calling me lazy.

What do i do? Walk away? He is doing counselling for his issues but doesnt seem to be helping. Thing is i am the typical woman who is addicted almost to this man. there are so many advantages to staying together but can i put up with this silly stuff forever?

There is a lot in your post, and I am not a counsellor.

It was a shame that he gave up the counselling.
How long ago was the counselling?

First of all, can you say something about the other woman?

And at the back of my mind, I find myself asking what you really want to do.
I am a bit concerned that he will grind you down to the point that you will lose yourself somewhere along the way.

The other woman was something and nothing. I overhead him on the phone to some one and something about it made me suspicious. Just gut feeling. So after some detective work i found out who is was (his ex). He denied ther was anything going on. I went through his phone bils a few times after and there were calls made to her on a number of occasions. So i never really knew what went on but it was def the first time i felt the rug being pulled from under me. Up to that point i would have trusted him completely.
He is back doing counselling now and he really wants me to go with him. So in typin this i have just realised that this was the point that it all started to go wrong and where the trust and respect disappeard.
Food for thought.
Should i do the counselling with him do ye think??

Personally I would.

Admitttedly I dont know much about it, but I am thinking that things are quite bad really, so there is not much more to lose?

Sounds like a toxic relationship. How it is making you or your partner feel is neither here nor there - you both have a choice in matters and are choosing, for reasons many may find unfathomable, to stay together. Your children dont have that choice, which is very sad really. He shouldnt be coming home having a go at them - a 'great dad' does not do that. A dad that does that is a vile wanker.
Nothing in your post gives even the faintest impression that anything will ever improve in this 'relationship'. You sound completely incompatable. Why not just go your separate ways?

You need to be alone, he can't do good at all, bringing you a cup of tea is his way of controlling you, how exactly?????

I think maybe you need some counselling sessions alone to work out your issues which are all in your head, he's not putting them there your doing that yourself. It's no point in trying to turn everyone against him as lots of people feel sorry for him before hand, both have some space from each other. He obviously feels that he cannot win and took the positive step of getting away. Seek help