hey everyone, thankyou all for your advice, ive been like a zombie since Saturday, its been hell, ive sobbed buckets screamed at him, talked to him screamed more, ive just been concentrating on trying to stay strong for bump and for my wee boy and put on a brave face. iv confided in a friend, a good friend who is genuine and like you all absolutely disgusted at my husband for what he has done. ive gotten a clearer picture as to why and how he has behaved so disgracefully and been so deceitful, theres no excuse but he pins blame on having depression since our 2 year old was born with gastroschisis and having been very ill when born. he found it a struggle as I did but he needed antidepressants whilst I got on with being a mum and just delighted when my son was finally home after 2 months in hospital I just threw myself into mummy mode, anyways that was 2 year ago, this girl who I got to know through mum and tots group,, I grew fond of, she got on well with me I got on well with her daughter and she got along with my hubby, she was different tho, streetwise, had hard upbringing came across tough tho once got to know her a bit gave her benefit of a doubt, she was very tomboyish drinks beer likes football and I was happy that we all got on. I trusted her she even helped me move house, I didn't blink an eyelid when she txt my hubby the odd occasion as felt she was a mutual friend, how gullable am I ?? after a while tho I started wanting to distance myself from her, we had her and her fella round for bbqs,, meals out round for drinks and all they did was fight at end of the night swearat each other and on one occasion he got rough with her so course I was there for her told her to come round mine anytime she needed, fell out with her partner etc. I noticed she took to drink too much and then find he her fella likes to get stoned etc so started to grow weary, she also stayed with her partner even when I said she should leave, (theyre as bad as each other), and I started saying to my husband they are friends we don't need in our lives and he agreed, he even said for me to unfriend her and was agreeing with me, (obviously now feeling guilt etc for what he had done) I was oblivious so still txt to have her round with her kid just to show I hadent disowened her completely,..she was round last week even, and when hubby came home he was quiet with her stayed upstairs and he wasent very friendly to her which at the time i was cross about,,I now know the reasons was cuz he cheated and felt sick her being there. since iv found when he told me the affair I rang her screamed at her, she said sorry, my hubby rang her said he loved me etc to her, she then txts to say it was a mistake and shes sorry, I replied ya don't do that to a mate, that she was twisted that hubby even said wot they did was shit( if it was why 3 times, still cant understand it) then the bitch says that herself to me,{ o well he wanted her as much as him, yes they wer drunk each time but he cudve said no. etc etc etc, awful things) that's true but feck she really valued our friendship if she really felt sick with guilt why even get nasty to me, wot had I dine to deserve it??? even to respond like that. o and forgotten to mention when I was 36 weeks preggers I took her to hospital as she cut her wrists, first person she txt was hubby, he showed me msg as thought she wasent serious and told me to get ambulance at her house ,tho I race down to hers,, her bleeding, her fella drunk and stoned, I take her to hospital she says she wants to end everything, like I was stressed that night worrying for her, luckily her wee girl was at her grannys (social servicesd so needed) I thought prob cuz of the way her and her fella acts towards each other the violence rows etc, now got truth that she did it cuz she told my husband she loved him and he told her he wanted her out of his life.
( bunny boiler)!!!!!!seems now each time they got physical they both done it through drink, him tellin her his problems, her telling him hers, her knowing he had depression, tellin him wot he wanted to hear, he was gorgeous even saying I don't gv him enuf attention ( im heavily pregnant and a busy mum), she even fed him bullshit, like every girly conversation I had she was able to go twist it round with him when they were alone...I know now she was jealous, I remember her telling me that her fella never satisfys her and me durin girly chats saying luckily iv healthy intimate relationship and more than happy, so she obviously weaned her claws into my marriage, clawing away to get my man. how could she, how could the both of them, they really are lowest of the low. at present im putting on appearances, husband is begging for forgiveness, says hes sick at his behaviour, has booked to see counsellor, said he wants faith back in his life, we used to go to church a lot as I was brought up believing in God, and he went salong to church when we met as kids when i was 15 he 18. he says he doesn't want to ever allow himself round twisted people like my mate and her fella, that he wants to concentrate on making it up to me for rest of my life and our childrens. I want to forgive him, I don't want to throw 12 years of being with this man over an evil vindictive slut of a girl. iv given him ground rules, iv told him he has to tell me and be honest when he feels things are tough in life with work our marriage etc hes to be open to me and no one else, not to block things out via drink and being around people whom he knows aren't good to be around.even to fecking stay away from pubs as he wont have the bloody time he works also yes but he needs to help me at home with our 2 yr old and baby, theyre innocent in all this as is me.. hes ensured me he used condoms so I trust I don't have sti, as for delivery, im due a sweep on wed so will speak to my consultant about things, im going to carry on working at my marriage weve lots to work on he definately has,.. I just want to look forward to my babys birth and to have a happy family life. I will also go along to counselling with him and if he wants to involve himself in church I will also. feel like I want to just start things slowly as being a friend then gradually being the wife he wants again but hes to show that hes worthy of me. (hes also getting threats from the bitches fella saying he will slice his throat, know hes angry too but really don't want threats like that, weve a 2 year old son im ready to have another baby, i don't want to be woorying about hubbys safety even tho I don't condone what hes done and hes brought a lot of this on himself)
sorry for the spelling mistakes by the way peeps and know this is a very long messasge, will reply again when baby is born and will appreciate your thoughts also
xxxxx