Sex & orgasm problems

[AmberRose101]

Have NC for this as I'm a regular poster & don't want you to associate this with me on other boards.

In a nutshell, my mother caught me masturbating when I was an older teen, was horrified, went & told my dad & was disgusted. In my mum's words that I still remember to this day, she told him 'I caught her exciting herself'. It was never brought up again and to this day I have not masturbated at all. I also am not able to orgasm, I've not had an orgasm & I'm nearly 40. I will have sex with dp & enjoy it, but I can also go for months between sex & very rarely initiate it. DP does not know as I have been faking orgasms with every partner since my sex life started. I know I have a problem & have tried since to masturbate but I can't do it, it doesn't feel right & if it does feel good then I get guilty.

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this, I know I'm dysfunctional but don't know what to do about it.

I think counselling would help. It's free through the gp surgery where I live, is there anything similar where you are? X

try a small vibrator and an erotic book to get you in the mood for some 'alone time'

I think counselling would definitely help. There is no need to associate sex with guilt.

Could you talk to your husband? I'm sure he would love to help you find your way - it doesn't sound like there's any medical reason why you couldn't orgasm, and you may both enjoy the journey.

You deserve a good sex life. I'm sorry your parents made you feel like this was a bad thing.

I'd suggest counselling, too, and if possible talking to your husband - if you can't actually talk to him, could you show him this thread?

There have been a couple of other threads about no orgasms/first orgasms recently, maybe they might give you some ideas?

Before I go any further there should be no guilt at all associated with enjoying sex of with masterbation. It was natures intention to make sex enjoyable because it vital to the survival of the species and an orgasm is a pleasurable reward from nature for the act that continues the human race.,As far as I'm concerned it's my damn right to orgasm,(everytime) well men always orgasm don't they. so please please do not ever feel guilty I think agree with other posters that counselling may help, well it certainly can't do any harm.
Also you don't need me to say this but if you're faking orgasms your D.P is never going to give you one as he's going to think he's doing everything right.
Well done also for having the courage to speak up. xx
Please when you do have your first orgasm be it through masterbation vaginal sex oral of colitoris, (sorry worlds worse speller) let us know.
xxx

I'm horrified by your mother's reaction but she reminds me of my own DM. Masturbation was akin to devil worshipping when it involved females - "what? Women actually enjoying sexual contact and engaging in it alone?" . Whereas boys were all mucky anyway so expected to indulge.

The attitude was damaging enough without being caught and shamed for it.

I think if you can access counselling it would be really worthwhile. Failing that, would it help to browse websites like LoveHoney and Ann Summers? I'm just wondering if exposing yourself to mainstream sites that cater to women's sexuality would help to reinforce that sexual pleasure is normal and healthy.

I do think you need to have a frank talk with DH about never having had an orgasm eventually but not yet if you don't feel ready.

Good luck with it.

I wonder if counselling in conjunction with hypnotherapy might be helpful? it could be that the therapist could connect you with how you felt before your mother shamed you in that horrible way and allow you to rediscover your sexuality.

I do feel for you. But one question- how can you fake something you have never experienced? Do you know what you are supposed to 'feel' and just pretend? I'm not trying to catch you out but as a very 'late orgasmer' ( older than you are now) I'd have not known what to do - apart from the Harry Met Sally type noises and there are more signs than just noise and panting!

Are you sure therefore your DH doesn't guess?

You need as others have said to have some psycho-sexual counselling- choose a qualified sexual counsellor.

Personally I wouldn't tell your Dh. He might be understanding but on the other hand he might be incredibly hurt that you've been 'lying' to him.

I would continue to practise on your own until you really know know what you like and then just work that into your journal bedroom 'routine' slowly.

I'd be devastated if Dh told me he didn't enjoy sex and actually hard been faking it for years. Just be very mindful of your Dh's feelings.

He'll be delighted when it's obvious you are really enjoying things

Normal not journal

Had not hard

Sorry typing from my phone.

Shit, sorry OP completely the wrong thread

Ignore all of the above!

I think you need to buy yourself a vibrator (and just concentrate on your clitiros) and wait until you are home alone so you can properly relax. I read somewhere it's like climbing a mountain and you have to let yourself get to the top and roll down. It took me an hour the first time I tried and you will definitely know it when it happens. I was a very similar age to you.

Sorry again I was was reading a similar thread earlier and got the two of them mixed up!

So, counselling I think is a must to help you deal with the shameful feeling (Grrrrr@your mother!)

The bit I posted about not telling your Dh was meant for you.

Posting from my phone is so difficult, I'm all over the place!

You poor love, I am so sorry that happened. Your mothers attitude to masturbation is so backwards and plain wrong.
I think that this incident has actually traumatised you and needs dealing with in a professional counselling type scanario.
Bad enough that she made you feel shame but to compound than by sharing it with your father too, hugely hugely damaging.
But with the right support you will find healing and start a new chapter within your life.