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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP taking it out on me when DS plays up

7 replies

Crystaloid · 24/08/2013 09:27

My youngest son (12) has a few behavioural problems which DP has always known about and supposedly accepted. I've tried very hard to make things better, he's seen an educational psycologist, special needs teacher, I've tried adjusting his diet, I've spoken to the doctor - nobody wants to know so I try my best with him.

Yesterday DP was working until 11am and I was working until 1pm. I assumed my ds's would be ok home alone for this short time (they usually are). However just as I left work I received a few raving mad texts off dp saying that DS had polished the laminate floor and was deliberalty trying to break someones neck. I walked into a horrible atmosphere where DP was accusing DS of being a liar and saying he can't cope with him, he's out of control and he's a liar. I asked ds if he'd done it, ds said no - I explained to DS the dangers of pranking, especially in a kitchen and told him I'd be very disapointed in him if I found out he'd done it and then lied about it. Well dp then turned on me saying of course he fucking did it, don't try and get him out of it, you never take anything seriously, why do I fucking bother etc etc.

Trying to remain calm and not get into an argument I explained to dp that I WAS taking it seriously but the house didn't smell of polish and something else may have made the floor slippery and whilst I agree it probably was a prank I didn't know what else he expected me to do other than tell ds off and explain the dangers. Well anyway he was in a mood with me all night. I tried not to react, sat with him on the sofa, talked to him (he talked back so there was no real "argument scenario" but he was just off with me all night. This seems to have crossed over into this morning as DP has got up without giving me a kiss (very, very unusual, even when we've argued he's still kissed me in a morning) and has made himself a drink without offering me one. Again totally out of character.

I'm so fed up of this as it happens all the time. Everytime DS plays up or anything happens I get the cold shoulder treatment. I go out of my way to make DP happy, I love him and treat him with respect and I basically get shit on as soon as something goes wrong.

Another one is that he insists that I don't care about our house. He bases this latest accusation on the fact that a few days ago I asked my eldest to make me a cup of coffee. DS is clumsy and as he was bringing me it, he spilt drops of it on the carpet. Admittidly I should have cleaned it straight away but I'm extremely fabric sensitive and can't touch sponge on carpet or anything like that so I was going to pop to asda to get one of those 1001 carpet shampoo brush canister things. However DP came home before I did and saw it. So I don't care about the house, the entire thing was my fault, I should never have asked anyone to make me a drink, even after a 48 hour working week I should have just done it myself. i don't care about the house. Despite the fact that on my days off I clean, bleach, wash everyone's clothes, iron, hoover, mop - I spent all last weekend totally redoing our main bathroom and the weekend before that painting the woodwork but no DP, I don't care because coffee got on the carpet and I didn't clean it immediately.

It just seems like he can't wait to have a dig. I asked him if he wants to split, has he had enough? does he not want to continue our relationship but he just says "dont be silly."

Looks like I'm in for a weekend of being ignored.

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 24/08/2013 09:40

Put your ds before this man.

You're walking on egg shells and he's being a twat to your ds and you.

How long have you been together?

mummytime · 24/08/2013 09:43

Is he your sons father?

I would continue to fight for a diagnosis for your sons (you sensitivity to fabrics could also be a sign of an issue), the MN SN boards might be able to support/advise.

Your DH is being an arse. I'm not sure what to advise.

purplewithred · 24/08/2013 09:44

It's not about whether he wants to split, it's about whether you want to carry on living in this atmosphere. Has it always been like this?

Squitten · 24/08/2013 09:49

So why do you accept this as the way you have to live? Why not tell him to get lost?

It sounds like an exhausting life, everyone having to live up to his expectations

Nanny0gg · 24/08/2013 19:24

Why do you want to continue the relationship?

ThereGoesTheYear · 24/08/2013 20:05

He's not very mature is he? Not making you a drink because he has the hump?
As for ignoring you, that's not on either. Put your happiness and your DS before this 'toddler'.

clam · 24/08/2013 20:09

So, I take it you pointed out to him all those things you've listed here showing your care for the house? If not, why not?

Although that's not the main issue. The thing you have to get sorted is his attitude towards your son.

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