H does not feel attracted to me and I am falling apart

[ElectricSoftParade]

H finally told me, after several months of no sex, that he does not find me attractive and that he is unsure if he loves me. He claims to have no sex drive and says he just doesnt want sex/affection/love.

I have been asking for, it seems like forever, if he wants to split as I honestly don't think I can carry on like this. I just feel so lonely and repulsive. While I am not drop dead I am not thatbad and I just feel completely rejected and unwanted. We had another arguement last night and I toldhim I wanted him to leave. Lots of shouting went on withboth of us and we then sleptin different rooms. This morning he asked if we could try again with him "aiming totry and show me more affection and see if we could get back to how we used to be". This has completelyfloored me. Like I should be gratefulforhim trying to love me.

Idontknow what I am asking but I just feel broken we havebeen together 16 years and have 2 dc. I dont know what to do.

I have kept my head down for a few days as I think this has been read by dh but have taken yourcomments on board.

As it stands, categorically denies an affair and still wants us to stay together. He is away for a week and I am arranging appointments to discuss the future. I won't post again under this nickname on this page as it doesn't feel secure iyswim.

Thank you for your replies and mind-clearing help. Just still feel knocked sideways.

What he wants is you to be his free housekeeper and childminder, and for you to be so desperate for him to stay in the marriage that you will indulge his every whim. He may not be having (or contemplating) sex with other women, he may even genuinely have lost interest in sex, but he wants to make sure that you are constantly trying to please him, constantly anxious that he will leave, and never able to consider that actually the marriage is not just under his control and you can choose to throw him out and look for someone who will be nicer to you.

Although DD said today she doesn't want to live with me but with Dad.

She is only 7. It's all shit. Just shit.

I know I said I wouldn't post on this page but, last one, I don't know whethe I am coming o going.

Fed up with weeping, getting my chin back up and then weeping again. I thought I had lost myself but I just don't know who o what I am now.

Soy, but my keyboad won't type the lette Ahhh. Can't get that ight now.

Electric- have just read this thread.

It's exactly what I went through prior to discovering my xp cheating. I had 2 pregnancies throughout the time he went 'cold' on me, and blamed it on that and then breastfeeding etc. It got worse......he didn't even hug me after dd2 was born :( lack if affection, for whatever reason is horrendous.

Whatever his reason......tell him to fuck off....u deserve much better than somebody who 'diesnt think ge fancies or loves u' anymore. Who the bloody hell does he think he is???
You deserve so much more....I wish I'd told my xp tje door instead of letting him with hold affection, care, love and sex for pretty much 3 years.
Big hug xx

does DD know what's going on? am sure that isn't how she really feels but know very hard to hear.

The DCs know we ae having some heated discussions and have been talking about it. Just so sad.

That is because he is attracted to/fucking someone else. Men simply DO NOT say this kind of stuff unless thay have someone giving them 'feelgood'.

Find her, and you will have your answer as to why he is behaving so cruelly and atrociously.

There is a very very good book called 'I don't love you any more' by Dr David Clark (available on Kindle).

Read it, and follow the program. This is HIS flaw, not yours.

If it has been read by DH:

Listen, you SELFISH, pointless asshole:

look at your daughter, and think about if what YOU are doing, was done to her?
You would kill anyone who hurt your family like this. Except you are doing it.

She is going to find out, do you think you will get away with this? Remember to look into your children's eyes when, not if, that happens, and think about the ££££ it is going to cost you.

OP, throw him out. Seriously. Go and look up Fireplace to see how it is done.

it is very sad. similar situation to mine. I think you should perhaps explain to DC together that you both love them and they are loved regardless. that groen ups sometimes fall out. as much as you can im sure you are trying to keep it away from them but i know its hard. everything still so very raw for u. have you and H been able to get some time alone for calm laying cards on table? I know in my situation I had a lot of anger and bitterness and there were certain things I needed to say and work through before I could even contemplate whether or not I wanted to even try to move forwards as a couple.
I also thought of alternative, at least practically, financially and for children. you have to take time to decide what's right for your situation and your family unit. individually and as a whole.

Been there and had the same crap - he too was cheating.

Well, it seems the majority of you were right. Now I must just concentrate on the DCs and get on with it all.

I wish this wasn't happening.

Oh no :( are you ok?? Silly question but u know what I mean.
Has he left? I know its no consolation now but I promise u, you'll feel less lonely without him than u did with him, withholding love and affection like that. Let the ow have him...you're worth more x

Fwiw, I'm truly sorry you're in this situation. I know how hard it is. Hugs. X

Put him out now

Enough

It's done and I am done in.

I am sorry x

Have you told anyone in RL? I know it's a cliche but just take deep breaths and get through one day at a time. Just do what u want to do, talk to who u want to and be kind to yourself.

Thank you for replying. Am going to NC and poss new thread as am not sure if this has been read by H and don't want to give him any more insight to how this is affecting the DCs and me.

Thanks

Good idea....cards close to your chest op
X

I am so sorry. Remember there is another place you can post.

So very sorry.

But I'm glad you know. Although you are probably in shock about your discoveries, I'm also hoping there will be some relief there that there was a reason for what's been happening for months and that there wasn't a thing you could have done to change the outcome. Hard as this is, you're in a much stronger position now than when you were trying to fight with one hand tied behind your back, blindfolded.

Knowledge really is empowering, whereas secrecy is disabling. All strength to you .

For your dp. If he is reading.

Depriving someone of the love they need and desire is just selfish. And cruel. To the point of emotional abuse.

I hope your dw leaves you and finds happiness with someone who loves her.

So sorry - be kind to yourself and remember that he made these very selfish choices, not you x