Why do I do this?

[Bogeyface]

So friend (any friend, not one in particular) calls me to arrange to go out. I say yes, I mean yes, I want to go. We make arrangements. Then the day/evening arrives and I dont want to go, I really dont want to. I have cancelled by faking illness before, or I have forced myself to go and then been on edge all night.

It happens every single time I make arrangements and I hate it.

A very dear friend called me today, I was very excited to go out with her and am meeting her tomorrow. But already, the feeling of not wanting to actually go is kicking in. But the thing is, I dont know why! She is fun, kind, we get on like a house on fire, so why do I get these feelings?

I am very......whats the word.....cynical, I think. I have got to a point where I see the negative in everything so perhaps its because I think it will be shit so whats the point, or she will let me down or something. I dont know.

I dont just do it with social things. I have done it with job interviews, family stuff, anything that I am enthusiastic about at first. I am the worlds best at last minute impulsive stuff though.

Any ideas?

Don't have an answer. But I have been known to do this myself so I can sympathise

Also noticed the time of your OP so gave you a little bump

Are you maybe a loner/introvert/HSP?

HSP is Highly Sensitive Person who is easily overstimulated by too much noise, crowds, energies etc.

I can find myself feeling like that before going out but once out I really enjoy it, even thinking to myself "I really should get out more"

Maybe if you're good at impulse stuff better not to organise stuff too far in advance? (if possible).

I do this sometimes. Think I've got some sort of social anxiety. Lots of times I push through and always have a good time in the end, but others I just feel as though I can't, and I stay home. Then feel guilty about it. Idk what's wrong either, but you're not alone OP x

Oops, just saw that you made an appointment for the next day....

I have a friend who does this. Or at least I did, I just don't see her anymore because she has just let me down too many times and she just doesn't make me feel good about myself. The last time I was going to see her there were a few of us meeting up after many years and I one of them was really looking forward to seeing her. I told them she wouldn't come and my friends were adamant she would because she was so keen. I predicted word for word her excuse. My friend was really, really upset.

Put yourself in the other person's shoes. They will have made arrangements, got a babysitter perhaps,been looking forward to it. Would you like to be let down like that? If you could empathise a little perhaps you would think twice before cancelling. Or be honest with them when making the arrangement - at least then you could be open about your propensity for doing this and you could talk about it with your friends.

I don't know why it's happening but sounds like a good case for some NLP...

I do this as I have social anxiety. I try to go despite my feelings though, as I have lost so many friendships over the years. Usually it's OK once I'm out, but if you really don't like being out either perhaps you could invite them to you're instead? It's so important to nurture your friendships or they'll disappear. Perhaps CBT could work, ask your HP for a referral.

I mean gp!