Feel like a horrid person

[Space2000]

Hi
My relationship with my dp hasn't been great as of late. We have counselling but having a month break as its been suggested I visit my therapist whom I used to see a few years ago.
In the past dp had alcohol issues. We have baby nearly one. When I was preg he was awful at weekends, got really drunk. I felt angry and would often shout at him.
He has just come in from night out, I heard him outside unable to unlock door. I opened door to let him in, he was so drunk. I feel so bad as I hit him and said dont wake baby.
I really feel awful that I hit him. I'm now in bed, he's in spare bed, i feel like a horrid violent person.
I'm also thinking now, if, after counselling, tears, me leaving him for a month, he can't drink sensibly then perhaps I should leave and embark on life as a lone parent.
Any thoughts on this situation and my violence (as I feel like a horrid person)
Thanks in advance

To reword a sentence: i left him for a whole month in June due to alcohol issues

AA Is a place to go to talk about your issues with him, they can support partners of those with alcohol problems. They will help you analyse your reactions to the way he is behaving to help you realise if this is a healthy response or if you need to cut him loose.
IMHO he sounds like sounds like the one ship needs therapy the most.
Good luck

PM'd you

Thank you I really appreciate replies.
I was told by couples counsellor that I had issues I needed to deal with as I was defensive(!?). But seeing my old counsellor again is great as I will tell her about this incident and work through it. But needed some support for now as I'm shakey and teary.

IMHO I would say of you had struck him and NOT felt bad it would be much worse than feeling as bad as you do, try and sleep and see if you can think more clearly in the morning

Anyone would be defensive living with man who has anger and alcohol problems!

Seems to me that the counsellor doesnt understand what defensive means

*de·fen·sive (d-fnsv)
adj.

1. Intended or appropriate for defending; protective.

2. a. Intended to withstand or deter aggression or attack: a defensive weapons system; defensive behavior. b. Of or relating to the effort to prevent an opponent from gaining points in a game or athletic contest. c. Performed so as to avoid risk, danger, or legal liability: defensive driving; defensive medicine,

1. Of or relating to defense.
2. Psychology Constantly protecting oneself from criticism, exposure of one's shortcomings, or other real or perceived threats to the ego.*

I think 2a, 2c and 4 are particularly relevant.

With you there Bogeyface

Thanks for pm bogeyface, not all of it has loaded so may have to wait to check on pc tomorrow.
Yes I'm glad you have the definition of defensive!!
Even though the couples counsellor was upsetting by saying I need to go to therapy on my own I'm actually very pleased as I get to talk things through about relationships etc. I think the reason I got so angry is that, this is it, the final straw. He hadn't done it for a while. (Well maybe when I went away with baby for weekend and he was on his own). I feel like I'm the only one mending this so called relationship. I must try to calm my nerves and sleep as the baby could wake anytime. Thank you for replies. I'm feeling less horrid (although I still do not condone violence)