I have been struggling with an issue in my marriage and DH keeps saying that he agrees we should do it differently, but then he doesn't take any practical steps to help and gets annoyed when I bring it up.
We have been together about 15 years and to begin with kept our finances separate. Gradually we have merged some aspects of them, for instance, we own a house together and have a joint account for bills. This was fine with me -- we have both worked and earned enough to cover our own expenses and joint ones throughout, apart from some brief periods where one of us was studying or changing jobs.
I have always been keen to be financially independent, having heard some horror stories over the years, and as I have sometimes been self-employed, prefer to have a business account for my income anyway.
I am also very lucky and at one stage inherited some money and have very generous parents -- I have always shared this money with him (most has gone on the mortgage but some on his hobbies etc).
My DH does not really manage his own money - he pays bills and his credit card off each month but rarely opens statements, refuses to do internet banking (says it is too risky for fraud) and never knows what the balance is on the joint account or where his chequebook is (so although it is 'joint' in effect I do all the management & payments from it). The balance in the joint account also regularly lags what our living costs actually are so it is often overdrawn and I end up paying money in to keep it afloat.
Large expenses such as furniture, home improvements and holidays are usually paid for by me and then I have to 'reclaim' the money from him -- this takes several reminders and the only way he can do it is by giving me cash or paying cash into the bank, because of the refusal to do internet banking, never knowing where cheque book is etc.
Recently we had our first child and I have found it difficult on maternity leave once my pay reduced to SMP, because while he recognises in theory that my income is much reduced while expenses are increased, he keeps complaining about poverty (I pay for most day to day baby stuff as there isn't enough to cover it in the joint account and I am the one on leave so I know what DC needs, have time to get it etc -- obviously child benefit helps a bit but there is still a gap). I don't understand why he feels so poor when he earns more than twice what I do! I have adjusted our contributions into the joint account to reflect the disparity in our incomes, but only in the last few years - before we paid in equal amounts.
He can be a control freak in other aspects of life so I don't really understand why he takes such an ostrich approach to managing money. The rest of his family are very careful with money and great at budgeting as far as I can see. It's almost like in some respects he's behaving like he's still a single man when it comes to managing money - that was just a mild irritation before DC came along, but now it is really niggling me.
My question is given that my marriage is in other respects pretty happy how can I improve this situation and stop feeling like his boss/mum/a nag every time we have to make a major purchase or adjust what goes into our joint account? Is there any way I can get him to take an interest in managing our money -- it's not like I particularly enjoy worrying about it all solo! I have suggested merging our finances now we are parents and that I then manage the lot online, but he isn't keen. It's not because he has some dread financial secret as his finances are an open book to anyone with the patience to go through the heaps of paper lying about!
Okay, this is long, sorry, respect if you've got this far!