"But We Took You To Stately Homes!" - Survivors of Dysfunctional Families

[DontstepontheMomeRaths]

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It's August 2013, and the Stately Home is still open to visitors.

Forerunning threads:
December 2007
March 2008
August 2008
February 2009
May 2009
January 2010
April 2010
August 2010
March 2011
November 2011
January 2012
November 2012
January 2013
March 2013

Please check later posts in this thread for links & quotes. The main thing is: "they did do it to you" - and you can recover.

Welcome to the Stately Homes Thread.

This is a long running thread which was originally started up by 'pages' see original thread here (December 2007)

So this thread originates from that thread and has become a safe haven for Adult children of abusive families.

One thing you will never hear on this thread is that your abuse or experience was not that bad. You will never have your feelings minimised the way they were when you were a child, or now that you are an adult. To coin the phrase of a much respected past poster Ally90;

'Nobody can judge how sad your childhood made you, even if you wrote a novel on it, only you know that. I can well imagine any of us saying some of the seemingly trivial things our parents/ siblings did to us to many of our real life acquaintances and them not understanding why we were upset/ angry/ hurt etc. And that is why this thread is here. It's a safe place to vent our true feelings, validate our childhood/ lifetime experiences of being hurt/ angry etc by our parents behaviour and to get support for dealing with family in the here and now.'

Most new posters generally start off their posts by saying; but it wasn't that bad for me or my experience wasn't as awful as x,y or z's. 

Some on here have been emotionally abused and/ or physically abused. Some are not sure what category (there doesn't have to be any) they fall into.

NONE of that matters. What matters is how 'YOU' felt growing up, how 'YOU' feel now and a chance to talk about how and why those childhood experiences and/ or current parental contact, has left you feeling damaged, falling apart from the inside out and stumbling around trying to find your sense of self-worth. 

You might also find the following links and information useful, if you have come this far and are still not sure whether you belong here or not.

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0553814826/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=as2&camp=1634&creative=19450&creativeASIN=0553814826&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-relationships-1834279-But-We-Took-You-To-Stately-Homes-Survivors-of-Dysfunctional-Families" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">'Toxic Parents' by Susan Forward.</a>

I started with this book and found it really useful.

Here are some excerpts:

"Once you get going, most toxic parents will counterattack. After all, if they had the capacity to listen, to hear, to be reasonable, to respect your feelings, and to promote your independence, they wouldn't be toxic parents. They will probably perceive your words as treacherous personal assaults. They will tend to fall back on the same tactics and defences that they have always used, only more so.

Remember, the important thing is not their reaction but your response. If you can stand fast in the face of your parents' fury, accusations, threats and guilt-peddling, you will experience your finest hour.

Here are some typical parental reactions to confrontation:

"It never happened". Parents who have used denial to avoid their own feelings of inadequacy or anxiety, will undoubtedly use it during confrontation, to promote their version of reality. They'll insist that your allegations never happened, or that you're exaggerating. They won't remember, or they will accuse you of lying.

YOUR RESPONSE: Just because you don't remember, doesn't mean it didn't happen".

"It was your fault." Toxic parents are almost never willing to accept responsibility for their destructive behaviour. Instead, they will blame you. They will say that you were bad, or that you were difficult. They will claim that they did the best that they could but that you always created problems for them. They will say that you drove them crazy. They will offer as proof, the fact that everybody in the family knew what a problem you were. They will offer up a laundry list of your alleged offences against them.

YOUR RESPONSE: "You can keep trying to make this my fault, but I'm not going to accept the responsibility for what you did to me, when I was a child".

"I said I was sorry what more do you want?" Some parents may acknowledge a few of the things that you say but be unwilling to do anything about it.

YOUR RESPONSE: "I appreciate your apology, but that is just a beginning. If you're truly sorry, you'll work through this with me, to make a better relationship."

"We did the best we could." Some parents will remind you of how tough they had it while you were growing up and how hard they struggled. They will say such things as "You'll never understand what I was going through," or "I did the best I could". This particular style of response will often stir up a lot of sympathy and compassion for your parents. This is understandable, but it makes it difficult for you to remain focused on what you need to say in your confrontation. The temptation is for you once again to put their needs ahead of your own. It is important that you be able to acknowledge their difficulties, without invalidating your own.

YOUR RESPONSE: "I understand that you had a hard time, and I'm sure that you didn't hurt me on purpose, but I need you to understand that the way you dealt with your problems really did hurt me"

"Look what we did for you." Many parents will attempt to counter your assertions by recalling the wonderful times you had as a child and the loving moments you and they shared. By focusing on the good things, they can avoid looking at the darker side of their behaviour. Parents will typically remind you of gifts they gave you, places they took you, sacrifices they made for you, and thoughtful things they did. They will say things like, "this is the thanks we get" or "nothing was ever enough for you."

YOUR RESPONSE: "I appreciate those things very much, but they didn't make up for ...."

"How can you do this to me?" Some parents act like martyrs. They'll collapse into tears, wring their hands, and express shock and disbelief at your "cruelty". They will act as if your confrontation has victimized them. They will accuse you of hurting them, or disappointing them. They will complain that they don't need this, they have enough problems. They will tell you that they are not strong enough or healthy enough to take this, that the heartache will kill them. Some of their sadness will, of course, be genuine. It is sad for parents to face their own shortcomings, to realise that they have caused their children significant pain. But their sadness can also be manipulative and controlling. It is their way of using guilt to try to make you back down from the confrontation.

YOUR RESPONSE: "I'm sorry you're upset. I'm sorry you're hurt. But I'm not willing to give up on this. I've been hurting for a long time, too."

Helpful Websites

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.alice-miller.com/index_en.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Alice Miller</a>

<a class="break-all" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personality_disorder" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Personality Disorders definition</a>

More helpful links:

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Daughters of narcissistic mothers</a>
<a class="break-all" href="http://outofthefog.net/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Out of the FOG</a>
<a class="break-all" href="http://www.vachss.com/av_dispatches/disp_9408_a.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">You carry the cure in your own heart</a>
<a class="break-all" href="http://www.havoca.org/HAVOCA_home.htm" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Help for adult children of child abuse</a>
<a class="break-all" href="http://www.pete-walker.com/" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Pete Walker</a>

Some books:

<a class="break-all" href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0749910542/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=as2&camp=1634&creative=19450&creativeASIN=0749910542&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-relationships-1834279-But-We-Took-You-To-Stately-Homes-Survivors-of-Dysfunctional-Families" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Homecoming</a>
<a class="break-all" href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1439129436/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=as2&camp=1634&creative=19450&creativeASIN=1439129436&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-relationships-1834279-But-We-Took-You-To-Stately-Homes-Survivors-of-Dysfunctional-Families" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Will I ever be good enough?</a>
<a class="break-all" href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0060929324/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=as2&camp=1634&creative=19450&creativeASIN=0060929324&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-relationships-1834279-But-We-Took-You-To-Stately-Homes-Survivors-of-Dysfunctional-Families" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">If you had controlling parents</a>
<a class="break-all" href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0385304234/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=as2&camp=1634&creative=19450&creativeASIN=0385304234&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-relationships-1834279-But-We-Took-You-To-Stately-Homes-Survivors-of-Dysfunctional-Families" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">When you and your mother can't be friends</a>
<a class="break-all" href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1572245611/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=as2&camp=1634&creative=19450&creativeASIN=1572245611&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-relationships-1834279-But-We-Took-You-To-Stately-Homes-Survivors-of-Dysfunctional-Families" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Children of the self-absorbed</a>
<a class="break-all" href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0671701355/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=as2&camp=1634&creative=19450&creativeASIN=0671701355&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-relationships-1834279-But-We-Took-You-To-Stately-Homes-Survivors-of-Dysfunctional-Families" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Recovery of your inner child</a>

This final quote is from smithfield posting as therealsmithfield: 

"I'm sure the other posters will be along shortly to add anything they feel I have left out. I personally don't claim to be sorted but I will say my head has become a helluva lot straighter since I started posting here. You will receive a lot of wisdom but above all else the insights and advice given will 'always' be delivered with warmth and support."

Happy Posting

No, with DS at least it's the opposite. The sun shines out of his arse, he can do no wrong. She makes me feel like an ogre (a "very shouty mummy") for disciplining him. She never says so any more but she has said in the past and I feel she feels sorry for him, having an ogre like me for a mother...poor little love.
They are never alone with her, they see her for about 2 hours with me on a Sunday and we go to a park or somewhere they can run around.

This part of my previous message to you certainly applies here:-

"Generally, they will either over-value or under-value the grandchild as a means to get to you. Often, when they over-value, it is the objective of the N grandparent to steal the child from you. I mean that in both senses, physically and emotionally. N grandparents are known for so much trash-talking against you behind your back to your own child or children that they want to go live with grandma or grandpa, or the N grandparents simply inspire rebellion of the child against you".

Your mother is certainly inspiring rebellion here and as such is doing damage here to your children (she is scapegoating your DD and worshipping your DS) and you as parents are the only ones who can stop this. If she cannot behave (and she cannot) she should not see any of you at all frankly. She's doing all this to get back at you. She has no interest whatsoever in them as people, she just wants to use them as narc supply. You are still your mother's narc supply.

Contact even only 2 hours a week is 2 hours too long for you all.

What do YOU get out of any contact with your mother?.

"The sun shines out of his arse, he can do no wrong"

I have seen such a child as an adult (BIL) and its not pretty at all to watch. Bloody awful infact , his hatred to all knows no bounds.

Sorry you are having so much trouble Good hope you manage to get a little bit of space from your mother soon x

Dh has been acting somewhat odd since the hamper came and predictabley enough he has admitted he is nervous & feeling guilty about the up & coming christmas & new baby's arrival, as he knows his mother or other ils for that matter are disallowed from seeing me, dc or new arrival. I think it is the guilt more than anything. I have said to him she sent that hamper on purpose to put him through more guilt aswell as remind him of christmas soon.
I really don't want him desending into his depressive like state and am unsure of how to help the situation, especially when these two celebrations come to actually happening.

I have told him everytime he feels guilty, to look back and think about the past and how bad it was and how his life is marred by their presence, and then i said would he want for his children to go through the same or have to witness the fog created.
I said to him to think of all this before the guilt even enters his head.

I have also reliterated to him that there will not be any visits re new baby, as there is no point in a one off visit that they'll expect to lead to more & also my baby would be unsafe around them and i don't want my first days of being a new mum ruined by their behaviour like last time when they took over our home. He & they need to realise our child will not be entering into a family with such toxicity and lets face it they'll only wanna know because mil will play the Queen Bee and pass baby around to everyone like pass the parcel, like a toy, then they'll get bored!

Hi all, pumpkin I love the way you deleted the negatives in my name and changed it to big cat, can't believe of all the hampers they could have sent they sent fruit! Fruit from fruit loops! You're staying really strong given your circumstances and having to steer dh out the fog, good on you.

G2B did you flee to Spain to escape narc mother? And she followed you out there??? I'd be inclined to say 'I don't care if you're my mother, you're a horrible person. I don't like you' and ignore her, but that's me. I'm all bile filled again today. I've been nc since last year but I'm seriously thinking of sending a Christmas card questioning occasions she groomed me and left me with her boyfriends. The disjointed things she dropped into conversations make sense now that I realise she must have thought I was back in touch for revenge and was saying things so she could claim if challenged that I was jealous and stirring it, but I wasn't at the stage I am now of realising just how bad she was, so she might drop herself in it some more if she writes back again?

I might go back to the police as well. I told them originally that her boyfriend (the one she wrote in a Christmas card about) didn't do anything but I really don't remember what happened, just that I was relieved. I have no idea if that was because he didn't do anything or because it was over and out of the way. She was really into a young single Mum that had huge problems last time I saw her and she said her kids had been taken into care, but she may have been lying and I've always wondered what happened to them.

My Mum also said golden child had therapy and she thought golden child - big sister - giving her nice holidays was coming to an end, again this may have been lies but I'm wondering if writing to golden child might yield anything?

Or am I being foolish and should stay nc?

Bigcat I too am changing your name I think of you as a great big soft ginger cat purring in front o the fire but ready to pounce at any moment. :)
I suppose I did sort of run away from my nutter mother. I remember being about 10 and there was a big ad campaign for Canada (my uncle lives there) and dreaming about emigrating when I was older. Then I went as far as geographically possible without leaving the country when I went to uni.
She has told me she was "heartbroken" when I first went abroad and thinks it was unfair and cruel and I had no right to "leave her alone". funny thing is, she did it with her parents. I think I always felt a bit smothered. Smothered and responsible and dependent all at the same time.
Then when I was thinking of buying a house here (egged on by her massively) she decided she'd "have to" come as I'd hardly ever be back once I had a house here.
I think, tempting as it is, you should remain NC with them. They'll just mess with your head and hurt you again.
I'm so sorry for what they put you through. xxxx

Hi, can I join you all? I have another thread at the moment but I felt like my parents weren't awful enough to post on here, I guess they are. Anyway, for the first time I have finally told them how I feel and how upset I am about their lack of support, I ended up leaving after my dad said he didn't know why I was even there (they had invited us for dinner) and they haven't contacted me since. I am just so sad about the whole thing, and despite the fact that I am a grown up, I still feel lost, they are my parents.

welcome movingon what's your other thread?

Found it. They sound horrible. Move away and don't look back my love. Have you read the links at the beginning of this thread? You might find it interesting reading.
xx

It's on relationships, called I finally yelled at my parents. I can't link on my phone but it's there :-)

Sorry for dipping in and out without offering anyone else here any support - I still haven't read through much of the stories here, but I know that others on here are doing a great job of giving excellent advice.

I'm feeling a bit lost and confused. 2 weeks ago I had a horrendous argument with my parents, which resulted in my DM calling me 'jealous and bitter', and telling me that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown (because I'm angry that my sister is having an affair, and won't give in to their demands to blindly support her in this).

2 weeks on - I saw my parents briefly for dinner where everyone was 'fake nice' and over the top. I then briefly saw them on the weekend, I made the effort to go to a couple of social events. DF virtually ignored me. DM was fake nice again. (while engaging in deep and meaningful secret discussions with my Sis, no doubt supporting her in her obsession with the OM)

And that was it - no mention of the awful argument, it has been well and truly swept under the carpet. No other contact - Not a single phone call.

Now, I can accept that they want to pretend that conversation never happened - BUT, if my mother truly believed I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown 2 weeks ago, then why the hell hasn't she called me to see if I'm ok? Of course, the alternative is that she just threw that comment at me to hurt me and deflect this whole disaster back on to me - so she never really truly believed I'm on the verge of a breakdown, but just said it to hurt me.

Either of those options are pretty bloody shit, aren't they?

I have been avoiding them, because I'm still furious with them, and need to stay away from the drama. My sister is currently devastated at the breakdown of her affair (doesn't really give a shit about the breakdown of her marriage), her OM has finished with her to focus on his marriage and asked her not to contact him. My MOTHER has emailed him to check he's ok. How fucking dare she meddle in this? I am appalled that she has done this. I am also once more disappointed - when my own relationship broke down a few years ago, they were very fond of my ex. But not once did they dream of contacting him, because they would have sensibly recognized that it was nothing to do with them. So why the hell does my DM now think it's her place to email another woman's husband who had an affair with her married daughter??

I am determined not to make any contact with them. If they give a shit about me, the one who is supposedly having a breakdown - then they can bloody well ask me how I am.

Your MOTHER e mailed your sister's OM? Bloody hell, that's just...well, that's fucking weird. Talk about over investing/enmeshing. Has she always been the golden child?

Yep, totally fucked up isn't it.

It just highlights to me how twisted my DMs morals have become over this issue. I think she secretly feels 'proud' that this OM is supposedly 'in love' with her daughter, and can't let go of that despite the fact that he has broken it off with her to save his marriage.

My sister told me that OM has now told her that his wife dictated his reply to my mother. DSis told me this as a kind of vindication for him "See, I KNEW they weren't his words, isn't his wife so controlling" - but all I could think of was what must his poor wife think of my pathetic DM, clawing at her husband on behalf of her adulterous daughter.

I'm not sure I can refrain from mentioning this to my DM the next time I see her, I'm so totally appalled by her actions.

Oh and you ask has my Sis always been the golden child? Of course she has. I've always been told that I'm the moody one, while Sis is the caring, big hearted one (as she is demonstrating beautifully at the moment!) I'm the more academic one in the family, but that is painted as a negative quality - I'm called a 'smart arse' and ridiculed for 'knowing big words' etc. If we argue, I get told 'well just because you're clever and have a photographic memory to remember what was said...' - i.e. The Truth

My sis has got away with some pretty irresponsible behaviour in the past, which my parents have consistently bailed her out for. As someone suggested on my other thread - there is some sort of cognitive dissonance going on between what they believe her to be, and what her behaviour is showing her to be. And their only way to resolve that is to lie to themselves and everyone else and minimize / rewrite her bad behaviour. She has also produced 2 wonderful grandchildren for them, which I have so far failed to do. So she gets a softer ride 'because of the kids'.

It's all pretty hard to watch, to be honest.

There is also a weird repeating of history thing going on, which is hard to explain without outing myself.

Basically, my sister's OM is from the same place as my DF. And has the same hobby, which is something that attracted my DM to my DF in the first place.

I think my DM sees a spark of her own (long dead) attraction to my DF in my sister's attraction to OM, IYSWIM - and is therefore overly invested in making their affair the Great Love of my sister's life.... just a shame that sis and OM are already married to other people eh...

Sounds like your mum is trying to live through your sister.

Oh my goodness your mother emailed him?

plastic your family is a good deal more messed up than was ever clear before - and it was pretty damn clear they were messed up from everything else you've written!

I'm sorry but yes, the things your mother said to you do not seem to have be in your interests but to backhandedly be actively unpleasant to you for not toeing the party line. And your father is punishing you by ignoring you. I'm also not sure that it's your sister producing grandchildren that gives her the golden pass. From all you've said, she's always been allowed to get away with anything including huge amounts of money. There'll always be some excuse to be nicer to her.

I hope you can keep your distance and dignity.

Doyouever I confronted my mum about her awful behaviour to Ds2and it was denied and I was told by my dad that I was losing my grip on reality . Your parents sound like narcissists . They are rewriting history to make themselves look better .

If you google 'golden child and scapegoat syndrome' some great websites come up, the daughters of narcissistic mothers as in the link above is there and they're really good for getting a handle on what's happening.

Pumpkin how are you getting on guiding dh through the fog, can he see that if his parents want to be nice they can do it through words and actions and not through gifts?

G2B thanks for the cyber hugs :) Your mother really is dependant on you, did you confront her about the grief she gave you over the leak but not your brother? I know what you mean about remaining nc but it's not so much contact - never has been in our family, it's more constant recriminations from mother and things she says that didn't make sense until I had my own child and realised she was a paedophile. She was grooming a young mother in her village last time we were on friendly terms, that was about 10 or so years ago. She had specifically chosen a vulnerable young mother with poor family ties to 'help out' and when I tailed off contact she told me the girls children had been taken off her and put into care. I can't help wondering if that was a lie now and she just wanted me off the scent. Writing a card would be simply 'do you know you're actually a paedophile because of x, y and z' and seeing if she's messed up enough to give me a bit of evidence in writing. Mother also said golden child was getting counselling, which again may not be true, but I can see now how mother enmeshed her to make her feel responsible for the grooming too and so there to support her because it would be a threat to her if our mother was outed ie 'mother's being outed as a paedophile so I am being outed as a paedophile'. Paedophilia's just a bit of it, it's the entire kicking in of boundaries and absence of knowing right from wrong. So it would be a very direct letter to sister saying ' I realise this was organised by mother and you had no part in it, is this why you needed counselling?'. I simply want evidence.

I thought of writing to the girls parents, photocopying the card mother wrote and send it saying something like 'My mother wrote this to me. She may not have your daughter and grand daughters best interests at heart.'

That first bit of my post was meant for you Plastic that's great you're going nc, you'll feel so much better for it. Your mother sounds completely stark raving bonkers and your sister sounds just as lovely. Do google ' golden child and scapegoat' x

Plastic I remember your threads and sympathise, I suppose I am at a similar stage with realising just how dysfunctional my family relationships really are and trying to extricate myself from the mess. It is hard to do it without feeling like the bad guy though.
I am doing ok, I still haven't contacted my parents, although my mum has emailed a sort of explanation/apology that at least opens to door for some communication. My dad has not been in touch, but this time I'm not just letting things go without an apology. I had a session with my counsellor who pointed out that I have always ended up as the person who is responsible for making everything ok, since I was a child, and how unfair this was and still is. It's just so hard to stop it, and untangle yourself. :-(

Hello, I have name changed for this as I have just googled golden girl and scapegoat and boy has that hit a nerve, I have struggled with my relationship with my mother for a very long time and I am slowly understanding why. I am the scapegoat but my older sister has been too, this had a huge impact on her and she has has a very hard time of it. I have done better as I think I have been a secondary scapegoat but the dynamic has meant I have had chronic low self esteem. I want to just describe something that happened today so I can see if it makes sense! I was at my mums house when she gets up and checks the radiator and then says that there is a problem with her boiler, that it was making awful noises earlier and the heating was not working. We look at it, I thought there might be a problem with the pilot light, no expert but know that needs checking! Anyway a panel needed to be removed to see this, easy to do just two screws to remove so I offers to do this, response was no don't worry, didn't need to do it. She talked about calling a plumber and I said again I would take panel off, this time it was no I would mess it up, make it worse and generally not capable of being trusted with this simple task! This is her general attitude towards me, despite me being a single mum with my own house and business I am in her view pretty useless, clumsy and inept. I no longer collude with this so I challenged her and said I didn't understand why she treats me like a five year old!! She then gave me the screwdriver and panel was removed couldn't see pilot light anyway but she didn't know this and her response was I told you so!!! My younger sister is the golden child, she really can do no wrong and is even moving in with her family to my mums house soon.
I can see there is no quick solution to all this but I am hoping to find and give support to others here, need to find a way through this so I can get on with being happy, not something I find easy!

Hello everyone, will read all your posts later. Seems this thread is very active again

Bloody mil is on the warpath agaaaaiiinnn, will fill you all in later!

Suzy that is very similar to my mum. We are nc and I have been able to reduce my anti depressants .

Well done suzy for standing up to her, wish my dh would find the courage to do the same!! Must be so hard when families put the guilt on though.

Here in the land of fruit bowls, it turns out dh has had more texts of mil. She doesn't give up easily does she, maybe she expected the fruit basket gift to work some kind of magic

Oh well it all started because dh accidently text mil a text that was meant for me, which included the words sexy lol. Anyway she answered back in a series of texts. One beginning with "i'm sorry i'm not pumpkin, how r u all miss you all"

Then...

"Did you text your sister happy birthday?. If you let me to the house i promise to be good "
Wtaf!!!

Then.....

"Love and miss you all so much, half of my family is missing" "Miss you all" "I miss helping you out...you must need help now & again" "sorry for going on" (again wtaf!).

This woman is fruit loop short of a cereal box A: She made her bed B: She can lie in it C: She should thank her lucky stars dh still contacts her D: Help??? That fucking woman was a hinderance when she used to visit my home & no she never helped, she just made mess and sat on her arse with my sky remote!!

The good thing is, dh as far as i know hasn't answered these texts.
The bad thing is, the only reason i know about them is because i went snooping knowing she'd been in contact again.

So basically he is keeping things from me again
Good news is, he hasn't responded.

Just livid she is so "woh is me" so close to Christmas & Newbaby so she can put him in the fog again.
He needs to stop contact with her but i can't make him. He texts her something and it opens up a portal of doom!