Last night, as with many nights, my DH came home drunk and launched into his ritual emotional abuse. He is jealous of previous relationships, convinced I don't love him, don't find him attractive and that he clearly knows better than me everything about my past relationships. In the morning he is a bear with a sore head, he really loves me, doesn't want to lose his DD etc. He did the same routine 6 weeks ago, once while I was pregnant and then nearly a year ago, just before we found out I was pregnant. Before we married this was a regular occurrence, he would get drunk, abusive and then apologetic.
He is really insecure but nothing I do is good enough. He only remembers the bad stuff from years ago and never the good stuff now. I asked him today to go see someone to talk to. Previously he has refused but today he said he would. Then packed his bag and has left! I asked him to go stay with his folks to get some sleep and clear his head but he has said he isn't coming back.
So where do I go from here? I love him so much but I'm exhausted by these temper tantrums to get attention. I need to put DD first. I'm tired and want to spend more time with him but he works long days and I'm not very happy at the moment, hormones playing up. I feel vulnerable and like I'm not coping well with being a mum. He knows this and has still walked out leaving me to hold baby when I haven't had a break in days.
He destroyed my wedding anniversary present, continually throws his wedding band away and claims he even cheated on my when we got together (as well as being really jealous about a guy I was seeing before I met him!!). When he doesn't drink he is a caring loving partner and has been a good father but drink brings out his dark, awful side. I'm no angel and he drives me mad but I want my child to have a loving family. Feeling heartbroken, lost and confused.