Have name changed as lots of personal information here.
Dh fell out last night, then it carried on this morning.
The situation in our house is like this. We have a small shop, Dh works 6 days a week and can do long stretches without a day off. He leaves the house at 8am when he's dropping dc at school/nursery (2-3 times a week, 10 if not) and doesn't get back till almost 8 at night.
I am meant to work in the shop 2 days a week, but during the holidays I have only been in once every three weeks (childcare is too expensive).
Dh has worked incredibly hard to keep the shop going through the recession, I respect him allot for this. It has been very stressful and he has fallen in and out of depression with the weight of it all. He will not go to the doctor as he thinks he can pull himself out of it.
I do the majority of housework and childcare. I get up almost every morning with the kids at 6-6.30. I cook 6 nights a week and do all the kids meals unless I'm working. My house is not a pristine palace, I barely hold it together to get everyone out the door fed and dressed in clean clothes. I know this is how most people are so I don't expect a medal.
What I would like is a little bit of help with the housework. I'm happy to do all the washing and most of the cleaning. Dh does do general tidying and will sweep kitchen floor, hoover occasionally. He will also do DIY stuff when he has time.
I do like to go to bed knowing that the kitchen is clean for the kids getting up in the morning. I don't want it all bleached and perfect, just the dishes done (put away preferably, but not necessary), any beer bottle put away and counters to have no food on them.
I made dinner last night. We sat down together, dh asked me if I'd like to have sex that night and I said yes. I asked him if he'd tidy the kitchen and he said yes, then he called me a domestic nazi. I said that wasn't fair and he said it was a joke. He finished his meal then went next door to watch tv. I was still eating, I thought that was rude and I wondered why he wasn't cleaning up.
I then ran around getting the kids stuff ready for school. At about 10ish I asked dh if he planned on doing the kitchen as it was getting late. He asked if it needed to be done right now and I said as long as it's done before we go to bed as I hate getting up to rotting food on the counters, dishes and beer bottles.
He then went to the bedroom to wait for me. I went in and he asked why I seemed uptight. I said I can't switch off knowing I'm going to get up to that mess in the kitchen. He had a huge strop, went off to do the dishes and then wouldn't talk to me, then went to sleep on the couch.
This morning we fell out and he says I'm neurotic and uptight about everything. He said he pays all the bills and I reminded him that looking after his children is a full time job that he would have to pay someone to do it if I didn't. He said he would do the dishes but didn't want to have to live to my rules. Apparently I want everything done the way I want it, when I want it.
He shouted completely inappropriate things in front of the kids, like how he works 12 hours a day and do I want him to go kill himself. He said he was leaving but has since emailed me work to do today (that I asked for).
I am exhausted, one friend tells me I am neurotic but her dh is the same and doesn't do the housework she asks him to do. She thinks my situation is normal and I should just live with it if I want to keep a happy family.
My other friend, who I haven't told about any of these issue thinks I work too hard as I don't have any leisure time and dh takes the piss.
Sorry this is so long and sounds so petty but I really don't have any time to myself and I should be able to ask my dh to do a small bit of housework without all this anger.
Am I being petty and neurotic? Is this situation normal, do most women feel like a servant to their families?