Is this the end of us???? after all this time.......

[Quacks]

Well, would love some thoughts pls if anyone could spare a minute. Would be most grateful!
DH and I have been married for 6 years and together for 16 years. We met very young, when I was 16 and he 18. I have to say we have had a great time together over the years and loved each others company.
When I was 20 he had an brief fling with someone else after I went away to work. He dealt with it admirably looking back despite what he had done and after separating for a year we got back together and it was super cool.
When he had a drink though a couple of yrs later things went awful. He has ended up locked up twice and 1 time was for slapping me and trashing our flat. We got over that despite police warnings he was no good for me. We got married and had our first baby about 5 yrs after. Things were fine.
We suffered a series of miscarriages after that and was very down, but we did get our baby in the end and she is nearly 2.

Over the last year though we have become quite distant. We didn;t have sex for 6 months, although we after talking we put it down to our very stressful house move and jobs at the time. We moved into rented accomodation for 3 weeks while waiting for our house and couldn;t keep our hands of each other. I felt a small part of what we used to have. We moved to our own house and have not had sex now for 6 weeks again and I don;t think either really wants to. I worry about nights out as we have nothing to talk about really other than the kids/work etc..
Xmas eve last yr we decided to split but the next day after being let down by his Mum I suddenly was overcome with love again and we got on lovely for a while. Although we had some horrific rows preceding that. I wrote 'the drink will always win' on a piece of paper and he stuffed it in my face and flung me to the floor after drinking heavily.

We are supposed to be going on a weekend away in a couple of weeks but worry we will be bored with each other. we don't usually have sex either when we have a little time together.
So sorry for ranting but this is just the ice berg tip! Is it over for us~?

Was it ever on for you?

Sorry but he sounds like a complete arse! He is a violent drunk and he needs to sort that out or your dd is also in danger. If he can lash out at a woman, he can lash out at a child. Plus of course, if she sees his behaviour when he gets drunk, she's going to think that it's normal and you have heard the old adage that children go on to marry carbon copies of their parents? Well in abusive relationships this is even more evident.

You shouldn't stay together just because he is all you have known. There is a whole new world out there. I wouldn't risk putting myself in danger with this person again. If he truly loves you and his dd then he would seek help for his drinking. But he isn't is he? Does he even admit that there is a problem?

I can't tell you what to do in your relationship, I can only tell you how it looks from the outside, from what you've written down. And it doesn't look good tbh.

Why do you worry about its being over what is the real problem?

The 'not talking or having sex' aspect could be helped with Relate. I have no knowledge of abusive relationships, and there are people on here more able to help with that aspect.

Do you feel that it is over? It does sound, from what you say, that he is selfish and not really worth your time. However, I appreciate that we only know what you have written in your despair. I'm sure there is more to the story.

Thank you. There is an awful lot I haven't written. Of course you get the bad stuff. He adores his daughters. He is very devoted to us all. I'm not going to excuse the things he did yrs ago. It was rough but we still always had passion for each other. This is not around much. We have our moments of cuddles and kisses though. It has been such a long time together and we have grown up togther. We were totally lost without each other when we split before. But I moan to him as he always wants to lie in bed in the morning, I get up and get a brew generally. I do the baths more often than I used to. He says he is so tired and he's fed up of me getting on at him. He daren;t water the plants without worrying if I am going to get at him. (he loves the garden).

The drinking has not been an issue for a while but it has come up every now and again over the yrs. Spending a night in prison was yrs ago. I certainly don;t feel threatened, but he is a man who likes to feel in control. He is romantic, I'm not very soppy or affecctionate. He tells me he loves me maybe a couple os times a week, buys flowers every other week, but I would rather we had the good 'us' back. It seems to go down hill and then back up again. Is that not normal, or do you worry about the other stuff I have told you????

Also, does the lack of sex happen sometimes in relationships and come back or does it mean it has died??

Quacks, hello darling (it's me bunny in disguise, am secretly due #3 in feb ). I am so sorry you're marriage is rough right now, we have weathered storms too and our sex life has never really recovered since trying to conceive #2 - having to have sex at certain times whether we felt like it or not certainly made it lose it's mystique for us. I accept ( sadly ) that our sex life will never fully recover. I wish it would but accept it as unlikely, I think most people I know are in the same proverbial boat.

I am knackered so am off to bed but will be back soon. Take care xx

WOW!! HIYA!! Many congratulations Bunny! I'm really plsd, gosh do you remember the hard times! I haven;t been on mnet for ages but it's so good to come back and see all the 'faces' I rmember. I wondered if you were still around!
Weekend been great though, we have had various chats about life etc.. agree about the sex life. I think we generally are happy not doing it too often but 5 months was a joke! I hope we do get over this rocky bit. We keep going and going and if the weekend was anything to go by maybe things will get back to the good old days.
xx

Hi Quacks, I am glad I saw your message, I often remember the frantic ttc days with fondness!! I'm glad you and dh have done lots of talking, it is so hard to give your relationship time when the demands of young children/work etc get always take priority. I think that is something we all have a problem with. You and dh have been through alot together and to stay together this long is testament to your closeness and commitment to each other. Do you have anyone to babysit so you can go out for dinner together?

Hiya chuck, we're off to Bath for weekend in a couple of weeks on our own! Looking forward to that if we get on all right!

I'm so pleased for you! How do you feel about having 3? I'm debating the 3rd all the time, but need to make sure we're ok first. He would love more but I'm not sure!xxxx

Hiya guys, Just wanted to poke my head in and say hi (Its Jemma7/SpringChiken/Esmummy btw)
Quacks, sorry you seem to be going through a rough patch at the minute, it's good that you had a good weekend and actually talked to each other. I hope things work out.
BigSurprise, WOW, well done you :) I too remember the TTC days how we all used to spend all day everyday on those boards talking about CD's, BD'ing, BFN's, BFP's etc etc. Although it was a serious time we did all have some laughs too

BTW, We are expecting no. 2 in November

HIYA!!! Goash u have lots f alias's!!! Congratualtions!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm delighted for you!! Will come over and catch up on our thread xxxxxx Thanks for your thoughts xx