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Original poster

Making friends

26 replies

w2bf · 16/06/2006 11:38

Is it just me or do you have probs making and keeping friends. I feel like its always me to instigate a friendship. Some of them work and some dont but I cant hardly remember anyone coming and making the effort to me. Do they find me boring???Would love someone to try and make a friend in me

OP posts:
fairyfly · 16/06/2006 11:39

They're like boyfriends if you act desperate you attract nobody or wankers. Relax, be friendly, build up your self esttem and things will happen naturally.

jofeb04 · 16/06/2006 11:40

Hiya
Its hard meeting new friends, but Ive met some lovely people on netmums. You could try that as there are local sections for all over.

Dropinthe · 16/06/2006 11:42

And keep an eye on the Meetup section on here-go through the archived messages and find any near to you.
I agree GOOD friends are hard to find but don't give up!

Original poster
w2bf · 16/06/2006 11:53

thanks for your comments, I am outwardly very friendly but shy inside and see so many people who seem to have loads of pals. whats wrong with me. I dont do desperate, i do friendly. are people just to busy in their lives

OP posts:
tallulah · 17/06/2006 11:02

I've always had to make a real effort to make friends, then I end up being the one to do all the running. I've given up now :(

Original poster
w2bf · 17/06/2006 14:38

if you give up tallulah then you'll have no friends. Since most people i know work i am always looking to make new friends to chat with go for coffee or lunch etc. I hate being tied to the house on my own all the time. Its great to be able to break up the time between housework and school runs.

OP posts:
mumbum · 18/06/2006 10:50

Hi Ladies. Just joined mumsnet for exactly the same reason W2BF! I love my DS who is 6 mths but I'm so bored during the day as DP works alot and its a real struggle as family live far away and no friends in area. ALso like you, very outgoing on the surface but shy and panicky inside that people don't like me.

My problem is that I still want to be a fun 27 yr old despite having a child. I found mum and toddler group intimidating as everyone was the Yorkshire version of a Stepford Wife - talking kids and husbands all the time! Do we really have to grow up when we have children? I want to meet like-minded people who love a good old chin wag, have a laugh and a bit of mucky talk!

Pagan · 18/06/2006 10:53

Know what you mean Mumbum and I'm 37. Everyone round my neck of the woods seems very nice but not quite friendly enough to drop the mask so I end up just having passing conversations about the weather and such like. I've only just made pals with 2 other mums and I've lived here for nearly 4 years - the first was not afraid to say how bloody hard it all was and some days she felt like screaming the other mentioned the words blow job! I like them both Grin

spidermama · 18/06/2006 11:12

I find it's hard maintaining friendships when you have kids. I have four kids and it gets harder. The people I tend to stay in touch with are ones with similar size families with kids of similar ages - which really cuts down my choices pretty dramatically.

I sometimes regret that I see so few of my old friends these days and yet I still love some of them, but our paths just don't meet. Many have stayed in London (I moved to Brighton), most have had no kids or fewer kids than I, my gay friends don't tend to be interested in kids, I've lost interest in clubbing (though I wish my clubbing friends would drop by to see me) and there are a couple of old friends with whom I've fallen out. That's the worst feeling.

There are loads of people in the school playground who I bet I'd get on really well with but I have no time to spend building friendships at the moment. That's why I hanker after old friends because the work is done.

Anyway enough about me Blush. w2bf I'm really glad there are people like you around to keep instigating friendships otherwise I'd never see anyone. I'm one of those who probably never instigates things, but I'm always so grateful when someone invites me to something or phones me up. So don't stop. If you think you get on with the people and have a good time, keep on instigating. They can aways say 'no' after all. Try not to worry about what they think. Everyone is so busy these days it takes people like you to do the instigating.

mumbum · 18/06/2006 11:13

Oooh you said a bad word! Blush How very dare you! Grin

I think I've forgotten what a blow job is - is that when your child's food is too hot?!

Pagan, you're the first person to chat with me on Mumsnet so watch I don't start stalking you!

mumbum · 18/06/2006 11:13

Oooh you said a bad word! Blush How very dare you! Grin

I think I've forgotten what a blow job is - is that when your child's food is too hot?!

Pagan, you're the first person to chat with me on Mumsnet so watch I don't start stalking you!

mumbum · 18/06/2006 11:14

Oops hit the damn key twice! Already making a fool of myself first day at school!

mumbum · 18/06/2006 11:16

Ladies, i think Spidermama just invited us all to holiday in Brighton in her own roundabout, non-instigating way! Wink

jellyjelly · 18/06/2006 12:20

Where are you and does anyone know if there is a single mums club in areas or organisaions that can help to introduce people?

mumbum · 18/06/2006 12:34

I'm in West Yorkshire but right next to North Yorkshire and East Lancashire. There aren't really any clubs. The problem is I am not a local and round here there are lots of small communities where everyone else grew up so they already have friends and families. At least in a city it is multi cultural with lots of people who have relocated thereso everyone is on the look out for new friends

fransmom · 18/06/2006 16:34

i find it hard to make friends too - now i'm a mom i seem to find it all too easy to see right through some people those "fair weather friends" always want you there for them but never seem to have the time or be bothered to phone you and see if you are okay. i've only just felt as though i'm recovering from bad pnd and have had to do it mostly on my own - if it wasn't for mumsnet, i don't think i would have been able to keep going some days.

i'm sorry for the long rant and hijack!Grin but my point is that it's very easy to make friends on here because everyone is in the same boat - all of us are parents and understand the issues we face (sometimes daily), there is always someone who can point/advise you in the right direction x

mumbum · 18/06/2006 16:47

Rant away Fransmom! Today is my first time on here and I already feel better - I was crying into my wine last night whilst DP watched bloody World Cup in other room. I think i need to arrange a meet up with people in my area though otherwise I may become a real recluse!

Original poster
w2bf · 18/06/2006 21:01

thanks spidermama for your comments, and glad you think the world needs people like me. I will carry on being friendly, BUT it would be nice it I was befriended just ONCE!!

OP posts:
Pagan · 19/06/2006 10:46

Stalk all you like Mumbum Smile and welcome to Mumsnet. It has been my saviour many times.

Needtowhinge · 19/06/2006 12:33

I’ve always been a bit of a loner – it doesn’t bother me now. I like my own company and the few good friends I have are really special. I am very good at making aquaintances but then it all grinds to a halt. Since my children started school I have made a huge effort to meet other mums – I was determined that my children wouldn’t miss out socially because I’m out at work. I used to invite people back for coffee and spark up conversations in the playground – but it was like swimming in treacle – people were friendly but that was it! For the first year or so I was always invited their friends back to tea – not easy when you’re out at work and have very little time to spare for anything extra. But there was so little response – the other children usually ended up playing with the children that belonged to their mothers’ friends, anything else was too much effort it seems Angry This is a small town and most of the population seem to have been here forever so that friendships are life-long – it’s hard to break in as an outsider – no-one’s unpleasant but I still feel like I’m a visitor.

I have a few good friends and even though we don’t see each other all the time, the friendship remains.

Pagan · 19/06/2006 13:16

I know what you mean NeedtoW. I have always enjoyed my own company but was never one to sit in doing nothing either. I was always living life like a Pepsi Max ad but because life is sooooo different now with the little ones I sometimes find the change difficult to adjust to. If someone took the kids for the next week I would sod off to a youth hostel, climb a few hills, go a few walks, cycle round the odd loch or two and generally have some adventures. All this would be done on my own, with no pals because out of the ones that I have precious few liked that sort of stuff anyway.

mumbum · 19/06/2006 16:35

Oh how I can relate Pagan and NTW!!! I'm an outsider in a close knit community too and also loved the great outdoors and gym prior to having ds.

What a bunch we are!

joelallie · 19/06/2006 16:52

Perhaps we should start a Mumnet loners club - go off and do outdoorsy things all alone together...Grin

Hmmm....haven't been to the west coast of Scotland for a few years....Anyone fancy bagging some munroes?

Pagan · 19/06/2006 20:57

Me me me me me me me!!! I love to go a wandering along a mountain track ............

muminaquandary · 19/06/2006 21:01

me too!! altho not for another few months as pg .... lurve proper walking & seem to know no other female that does!! (must be those anoraks and boots ...)

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