I a feeling down, fed up, f*cked off but I will not let my bipolar get involved!!!

[AdamsTrousers]

I posted last night and I need some support :-(

If you've not read my other post it was basically saying that nobody seems to want me around. DP went on holiday for a week without me, came back and promised we'd go away next year together. Now he's wobbling on that saying he's promised his kids that he'll go away with them alone again next year and he has to put them first. This means I won't get a holiday next year unless I kick up a fuss and drag myself along with them as an unwanted guest or go alone. Oh the fun - I can hardly contain my excitement at the thought of that one.

Then he'd promised we'd go to cinema last night. A few days ago he came home saying the lads from work were going to see Alan Partridge and he wanted to go with them instead. For his 'career' apparantly. Oh but he'll take me tonight instead - well nice to know he can fit me in somewhere I suppose.

I had planned a night out on Saturday with a mate. She's cancelled on me. Not only that, but DP is now disapointed that I'll be home Saturday night as he was hoping he'd get the house to himself with his kids. Nice to know I'm welcome in my own house at least ... oh, wait a minute ...

My mum cancelled on me last weekend after we'd planned a big day out leaving me sat at home feeling sorry for myself all weekend. Her husband had come up with a better offer. Not the first time.

Sooooo anyway, I didn't mention in my last post that I suffer with cyclothymia (mild bipolar). Luckily - I'm not on a downer right now. so ....

Today was my first and only day off in the entire week. I was so looking forward to it, a day off in a 48 hour week .... it's much appreciated.

I planned to chill out in the morning with my Sims 3 game :-) well - that fucker has decided to stop working. So that's out ....

Not to worry - what I was really looking forward to was my horse riding lesson this afternoon :-) so I call them to confirm the time ...

"oh sorry, it was booked in for next week by accident and we have no slots for today now ... "

haha .... ok .... I am keeping calm ...

I now have a whole day with fuck all to do - my weekend will be the same whilst DP goes off and enjoys himself at the football and my friends are busy doing whatever it is that caused them to cancel on me .... I'm back at work tomorrow. Why am I looking forward to that?

So yeah really the horse riding thing was the last straw. I'm on the edge ... but I won't let the bipolar tip me over it. Just ranting really. I have nobody to talk to.

It's wrong I know but I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have an affair - get a bit of attention off someone - actually feel wanted and desired by someone? I wouldn't do it - I don't have the guts but I do think about it sometimes.

Oh dear, you poor thing. "When sorrows come, they come not as single spies but as batallions" (or something like that).

I have bipolar (although not sure which type, the docs have never told me!) and I can understand that you would feel mightily knocked off your perch by this sequence of events.

You are probably feeling emotional turmoil parents, kids, work, dp, leisure ... everything seems to have gone to ratshit. No wonder you're idly thinking about the possibility of an affair ("hey someone wants me!") but hold that thought. Bipolar (ime) means that ideas pop in and out of your head like rabbits in a warren. Try not to get fixated and they'll pass.

Watch some crap TV. Cook a nice treat for supper Have a relaxing bath. Have a wank, if that lets off steam. Then go to bed and get lots of lovely sleep and let tomorrow sort itself out. You'll probably find that your problems have receded by then.

Except for the holiday situation with the DP. Have a serious word with him about that. Not sure what to suggest, but if it means going on holiday on your own, that's not the end of the world. You might even find it does you good, not having to fit your holiday around other people's needs (or children's). It's a year away, and a lot could happen in that time.

One final thought: If your mood is in danger of becoming unstabilised, it might be an idea to visit your GP or psychiatrist. It could be that you require a short course of sedatives/antipsychotics/whatever to see you over a bad patch. Meds won't solve your problems, of course, but they can help you get a handle on them.

Take care. x