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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is it time to get tough?

18 replies

catkin14 · 22/08/2013 00:11

I am divorcing my Exh, a very critical, controlling arrogant man.
He is a very high earner.

He now has another partner, they got together after we had been apart for only 5 weeks, previous to this he had been distraught.

We both have dealing with everything through solicitors as EXh felt I should only be asking for a third of our assets. He feels that because he earned the money while I was 'only' a sahm, he should be entitled to most of our assets.
He is struggling with the legal division of everything and really dragging his feet, doesnt answer my emails for days, and its weeks before his solicitor gets back to mine.
My solicitor wants to force the issue and go to court because it should be a very quick simple agreement but Exh just wont co-operate.
Is it time to get tough with Exh? I need to get the money all sorted soon as I dont have any.
In order for us both to move forward with our lives we need this sorted but I think he is trying to find ways to get out of paying what he should.

OP posts:

thatstripedthing · 22/08/2013 00:37

Yes

FayeKorgasm · 22/08/2013 00:58

Yes. He is still controlling you. Take this power away from him and let the courts resolve it.

Best of luck !

CookieDoughKid · 22/08/2013 01:14

Yes. Do you want this to drag on for months on end?!!

BitOutOfPractice · 22/08/2013 01:29

No brainer. Do it!

ihearsounds · 22/08/2013 01:58

Time to up everything.
He doesn't want to pay for his responsibilities because of whatever reasons. Chances are he is hoping that if he stalls enough you will give in and agree to his offer. Don't. Listen to the advice from your solicitor, they will have seen these games countless times before and know exactly how to deal with these situations.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/08/2013 05:23

If you have no money and he does, you will either get to the point where you will have to agree to less because you can't wait (what he wants) or go to Court to fight for what you are entitled to.

MexicanHat · 22/08/2013 09:01

He is deluded OP. You are entitled to at least 50%. A third?? I don't think so. It sounds like he is moving on relationship wise and you need on move on and get this situation sorted. Yes you need to get tough and btw he will have to co-operate. Ring your solicitor now. Good Luck.

Squitten · 22/08/2013 09:07

Of course you go to court and get it sorted out! Why on earth wouldn't you?

doormat · 22/08/2013 09:14

Squeeze his stonks babe and drain him for every penny you can get

Primadonnagirl · 22/08/2013 09:14

Exactly same thing happened to me.This was just another way for him to control me because I'd had the guts to leave him. Ours should have been a very straightforward divorce .. No kids,no debts etc. but it took over a year because of his stalling tactics.He also came up with stupid reasons why I shoukdnt get what I was entitled to. And of course I was racking up solicitors fees all the time. I stupidly let it go on because I thought it would be quicker and cheaper than going to court..it wasn't and of course I ended up settling for far less than I was entitled to because he had worn me down. My advice? Just go to court..that's what it's there for to apply the legal process and take some of the emotion out of it. Don't let him bully you any more.

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 22/08/2013 09:49

Yes. I had exactly the same experience as Primadonnagirl: the whole process took a year because stalling was ex's only remaining form of control over me. Just hand it to the court, this is their job.

All the best, by the way, and congratulations for divorcing a controlling and arrogant man. Soon you will be completely free of him: that is a hell of an achievement.

Shyer · 22/08/2013 09:50

Yes.

SolidGoldBrass · 22/08/2013 09:58

Definitely. And cut contact with him as far as possible; let the lawyers handle it. Are there DC? If so, how is he behaving about contact (I am sure the answer will be 'tiresomely' but depending on what he's doing there are ways to deal with that, too.)

Remember, you have dumped him for being an unreasonable arsehole. He is still going to be an unreasonable arsehole so there is no point in expecting him to behave reasonably.

SpottyDottie · 22/08/2013 11:36

I am divorcing my Exh, a very critical, controlling arrogant man.

Take the control away from him and go to court.

Original poster

catkin14 · 22/08/2013 20:20

Thanks all, looks like the answer is YES then!
We have one DC left at home living with me. We need the money now to move on especially as Exh has new woman..he just does contact when he feels like it tbh, when it fits in with the rest of his life, no change there then!
I will be contact my solicitor next week to get it all moving I think!

OP posts:

akaWisey · 22/08/2013 21:09

doormat I almost choked on my tea!! squeeze his stonks

akaWisey · 22/08/2013 21:12

Oh and catkin yes, stop emailing him since it just increases his sense of entitlement to control you further. What an arsehole. Let your sol do all the work, that's what they get paid for after all .

Good luck and don't forget doormats advice (laughing still).

Original poster

catkin14 · 22/08/2013 21:16

rather not go near his stonks anymore if you dont mind...!
I have tried really hard to keep this all 'adult' but its not going to work as he himself doesnt seem to be an adult.
why does it have to be like this?
He told me we had never had a marriage, that he was so much happier since i left him, pity he never had the stonks to change it then!

OP posts:

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