I had an affair, in love with the OM

[AKVS]

I need some help or advice, I dont know.
I'm going crazy in my head and I just would like to see what others think sbout my situaction.
I'm 30 years old and been with my partner for 10 years now. We have a 3 year old daughter.
We had some ups and downs.
I felt many times that maybe I should leave him... We have been trough a lot during these 10 years and we love each other. However we r not like soulmates or anything. He's not sensitive and not romantic. Very practical, doesnt like to talk, during horrendous times in our relationship I would slap him in the face and he would do the same or worse. Dont want anybody to think that he's abusing me but he 's very rough emotionally when we r arguing. Now we no longer argue. Life became easier. He is out of this world good father. However I remember the bad times... and here comes the problem... The other man.
I met him when I was pregnant - he's mates with my partner. When I saw him - I couldnt stop thinking about him. It was weird, but soon I put that at the back of my mind and life moved on. Thats the time when after the birth me and my partner hit the rough times... After 3 years we went back to a good place and weirdly thats when I began my affair... I felt awful cheating on my boyfriend. I felt like I'm cheating on my child and the whole family all together. The guilt and confusion were a killer but I continued the affair for few months.
I love him. He loves me. He's my soulmate.
Now the affair ended but I miss him badly.
I dont know how to cope or get rid off that love.
The om is single now, going through divorce, have 2 daughters. Ugly divorce. He told me I have a beautiful family and should be with them even though every cell in his body wants to be with me.
Sorry for a long post and it all somehow sounds pathetic on papper but I'm just hurt and confused,
Anybody been in similar situaction?

Should write above wonderful father.
and btw nobody is perfect, no couple is.

Just think you need a long long time away from DH, deal with the emotions you got, DON'T beat yourself up you did wrong but move forward. Get space, if telling him is going to blow up abuse then don't say anything bout the affair, yes he deserves to know but also need a chat with OP as that friendship will get nasty. Stay strong

Oh, i feel for you i really do. You sound desperately unhappy.

I wonder if you could use some counselling to make sense of your feelings?

Do you honestly think you love your DP? do you honestly think you don't love him? I don't think you know.

What is apparent though is that is not a good relationship at the moment, has it ever been? You say there has been domestic violence on both sides - this is not a good environment in which to bring up a child.

I think the OM is you looking for affection and love, however i think he has plaid you - he tells you how much you are his soulmate but that he thinks you should stay with your DP. Im sorry to say this but he just wanted to fuck you - men will say anything to get a woman into bed :(

I don't know if you should tell him or not - maybe there should be couples counselling though because this doesn't sound like you are happy.

I am not going to take the stance of setting your DP up as a victim here because he actually doesn't sound that great.

played, not plaid!!

LEMisdisappointed - "think the OM is you looking for affection and love, however i think he has plaid you - he tells you how much you are his soulmate but that he thinks you should stay with your DP. Im sorry to say this but he just wanted to fuck you - men will say anything to get a woman into bed". - Well I actually wish it was true - that it was just sex for him :/ it would be easier to move forward.... He wanted to be with me - he's a free man BUT he did want me to be sure that I want to brake up a family. That I know how dificult it would be.... Thats all.
I ended the affair and decided to work hard on my relationship with my partner however it is NOT easy.... :/

Thank you for advice. Appriciated.

Perhaps the fact that you are finding it very difficult to move on is telling you something about your relationship? Two parents can be fully involved with bringing a child up and create a family for that child without being physically present in the same house. What kind of example do you want to set your child? that being an adult is about sacrificing happiness to not have parents living apart? I am not trying to say that you should or shouldn't leave your partner, what I am trying to say is that sometimes you may just be flogging a dead horse....

the reason you have had a bit of a flaming is that your OP seems to try and paint you in a romantic heroine light. You are not a romantic heroine sacrificing her love for the sake of her child. This is not mills and boon. This is real life. You are not a victim here. There is no romantic happy ending here. I applaud you for ending the affair - this was the right thing to do and you know what - sometimes the right thing to do is bloody hard. But do you really want to be in the relationship? From the outside (and this is easier said than done) you should end your relationship and be single for a while. Yes it will hurt your partner, no it will not be easy. You then should be determinedly single for 6 months to a year so that you can get some space and perspective. The romantic affair may only have been so because it was an escape - in the cold light of day it may actually be pretty sordid and he might be a total dick. Of course you might get your happily ever after.

Thank You Pilgit.