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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dont even know what to call this thread

42 replies

jampots · 16/06/2006 00:33

As many of you will know Ive had problems with my dh and his bizarre attitude for a while now. He is an utter control freak and likes things "his" way. At the moment we have quite a lot going on - a decorator is coming next week to decorate the dining room, kitchen, hall stairs landing consequently our lounge is quite full. We are also supposed to going on holiday very early on Saturday morning for a week. The decorator was due to come last week but dh put him off for another week as work asked him to do nights this week at a days notice which he foolishly agreed to. Dh has not prepared any of the rooms for decoration I have had to strip the wallpaper/clear the rooms etc because "you dont work". We were going to just have lining paper in the various rooms and have the walls painted. Dh decided at the last minute that he wanted a printed paper at least in the hall stairs etc. but he wasnt prepared to go look for a paper - I had to because "you dont work". In addition Ive had to find other bits such as lighting, flooring curtains etc and get the holiday things organised/bought. Obviously as well as keeping a now cluttered few rooms clean and tidy and doing all the normal things. Anyway he has told me this evening that he's not going on holiday now because he doesnt want to. He says we have no money - we;ve just bought another car and he's spending money on ridiculous things for it that in my humble opinion we dont need and in fact are simply taking up space in the house even though they belong in the garage. I am so at my wits end now and feel like someone has punched me in the stomach - I just dont want to play :(

OP posts:
IvortheEngine · 16/06/2006 11:21

Sorry to hear this, jampots. I can honestly say that those route maps are great. Try the two "a"s site or google it. I don't know where you live, but with a route map, a map book and a decent car with tyres, oil, water, etc all checked, I'm sure you'd be okay. I've driven across Ireland and I do not have a sense of direction. And, I second those that say to try to stand up for yourself. I know it isn't easy, but if you change, he might in response.

KTeePee · 16/06/2006 11:48

Jampots, there are plenty people on Mumsnet from Ireland. Let us know where you are going and we'll work out the route for you, the kids can read it out as you go along. I know the roads aren't signposted as well as here but sometimes taking the "scenic route" is nice!

Beetroot · 16/06/2006 11:54

jampots go, fgs just go. get a print out from the aa. take proper map

you are not a child to be treated like this.

You are a grown woman who is giving in to totally unreasonable demands by a controlling man

Rhubarb · 16/06/2006 11:56

Is this a question of you not being able to do something on your own or not wanting to?

Has he taken so much from you that you are now incapable of doing anything by yourself? I'll bet he's thoroughly pleased with himself then! He's got himself a wife who looks after the kids, cleans, cooks, organises the house, probably pays the bills, etc and she cannot do anything without him there to say so. A totally dependant wife. How flattering for him!

You'll either do this and wrestle back control from him, get back your dignity, confidence and a lot of other things! Or you'll come up with an excuse not to, letting him win this game again, pleasing him no end.

What's it to be?

Beetroot · 16/06/2006 11:59

great post rhuby

Beetroot · 16/06/2006 12:00

and you may be scared and you may get lost but this will all be an adventure..not the end of the world..and you will stop at a country pub for coke and crisps and ask the way and have a laugh...

If you want to ....

VVVQV · 16/06/2006 12:53

Well, Rhubarb posted what i was thinking actually.

If you go, and you get lost, what is the worst that can happen? Honestly? It is stressful, and can be a fraught 5-10 minutes whilst getting your bearings but you will ALWAYS find life somewhere where you can then ask for directions or clarity. At the very least you can always do a u turn. Smile

Your last few posts make me think that you have a low opinion of yourself, and you allow people to do the same. (DH, DS?)

Show your DD that women can do things without the help of a man. It really will be one of the most valuable lessons you could teach her.

Please please please go, i think your whole family could learn something from this.

Smile
Dior · 16/06/2006 13:05

Jampots. There is absolutely no way that you should let him get away with this. It is booked and presumably paid for. GO! You will be able to get there by yourself. What a twunt he sounds. I don't know what he did at Xmas and Easter, but you are obviously at the end of your tether.

As Rhubarb said, if you let him win in this issue, you will have to cede a lot more times in the future. Make a stand and go without him.

beansontoast · 16/06/2006 13:07

hey jampots

when i read these encouraging posts,i get a tiny flicker of exitemnet ....(about your pending adventure)......i hope you do too Smile

satine · 16/06/2006 13:12

Go. Whatever happens, you will manage and you'll come back with something invaluable - the knowledge that you did it, on your own, even though you were nervous about going. The things I'm proudest of in my life were all terrifying before I started them.

quanglewangle · 16/06/2006 20:42

Time to be assertive. He isn't used to it and isn't expecting it. He is totally confident that you will cave in and do whatever is his current whim.
Shock his system a bit and get in that car and go. Preferably to Ireland, but anywhere would do if you would find it easier. The important thing is to b*gger off and show him his reign as a tyrant is over.

threebob · 16/06/2006 20:45

Not one person has told you to stay. I hope you are going.

Beetroot · 16/06/2006 23:43

jampot...where have you disappeared to? Ireland I hope?? Wink

threebob · 17/06/2006 09:28

She better be!

KTeePee · 30/06/2006 16:11

Jampots, did you go or not in the end?

LeahE · 30/06/2006 16:21

See this thread

KTeePee · 30/06/2006 21:49

Thanks Leah!

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