This seems way to soon?

[catkin14]

I split with my H of 26 years about 5 months ago.
I could take his EA any longer.
After 5 weeks of begging and tears he suddenly stopped and I found out he had another woman.
He refuses to tell me where he lives and until last week our 3 Ds's didnt know about OW.
He has now told 2 of them (their ages are mid 20's and a teenager) that he has someone else and they are seeing each other.
He says he saw no point in waiting and didnt see why he shouldnt be with someone else.
But he wants the DS to meet her and spend time with her and him. This is a man who spent as little as possible time with DS's and rarely had a good word to say about them.
Eldest DS says he might but teen says he will go but refuses to speak to her.
This seems way to much to soon especially for youngest DS.I do not get involved as I have been told to stay out of ExH business but I feel this is very unfair of him to expect them to be ok with this huge piece of news.
Am I over reacting?

You're not overreacting but there's not much you can do. If he's unreasonable and ea he's not going to change anytime soon. Sorry but he's showing his colours again. Your dc will doubtless see through it all. Try concentrate on building your life back up and ignore ex as far as possible

No, you're not over-reacting, but neither can you stop XH from introducing the DC to anyone he wants.

Even though they are bigger, you still need to be DC's rock and (no matter how hard) refrain from criticising XH to them. And because they are bigger, they will draw their own conclusions from the actions they see.

What might that be - if one parent is acting out a mid-life crisis before their eyes, and the other maintains appropriate boundaries and is quietly dignified?

My husband did exactly the same. Was so insistent on the kids meeting the OW. Two of them did. They hated her. Result! But.. I wish I had been stronger and told them they didn't have to meet her. Especially so soon. Their relationship only lasted 4 months so it was all for nothing anyway. Maybe they want to meet her to see what she is like. They are old enough to make up their own minds. Don't let him bully them.

Thanks.
I have not done any criticising really (although it is really hard as he has behaved very badly towards his family) and am trying to step back.
I have told them all they are grown up but that I am here if they need me.
It seems weird to me that a woman could get so involved so quickly with a man who had only just come out of a very long marriage, but maybe thats just me!

Yes it's too soon to expect them to be ok about it, but thankfully they are old enough to choose for themselves. Maybe you need to emphasise to them that you are ok and how unaffected you are (even if it's not true) so they can remove worry for you from the equation.

catkin this happened to me, although ds is tiny compared to yours.

Do you think he has told her the truth? Or has he lied about when you split up or that the marriage was over for years etc. I bet he left out the bit about begging to get back together! (Just like mine!) It is probably also him who is pushing her to meet the dcs and she is just going along with it.

If he is abusive he also probably needs someone to fill that role in his life and it could also be another way of trying to hurt you.

Anyway, agree with the others. Best thing is be breezy about it, who gives a fig what he's up to. Let the children talk to you if they want but try to just listen and not comment too much.

MN is always here if you need to let off steam about him and her!