Big fight about money, feel worn out

[hettienne]

Bit of a long moan I'm afraid!

DP is a freelancer, but is rubbish at the actual getting money side of it. We are currently waiting for several thousand pounds of invoices from May to be paid. We are out of money, we aren't going to be able to pay the rent this month. Again.

DP is really defensive whenever I bring up money/him getting paid, so mostly I try not to now and he says vague things about it being "soon". I have run out of credit now though so had to ask straight up when he was expecting to be paid - "soon". OK, when did he invoice - "May". Right, and has he chased it up? When did he last call them about it? "Don't remember".

He promises he will deal with it tomorrow and has a go at me for hassling him about it because it makes him feel shit. I'm afraid I lost it at this point - well, mostly me getting angry and him just looking sad and attacked - and now we aren't speaking.

I just find it so stressful and feel so powerless. I know he doesn't like chasing people up for money, but really - getting the money isn't an optional extra!

I still feel furious about it, mainly because we just seem to be locked in this never ending cycle. How do we get out of it?

Tbh I'd have taken over the chasing by now, which might have solved the money problem but not the other problems.

Is he suddenly like this? Or is it an ongoing thing?

Do you work?

Could he employ you to do the invoicing and payment chasing? I know several freelancers like this, they are ace at their jobs and crap at getting paid (and paying others as I found to my cost).

I know its not ideal but as the financial side of things is clearly not his forte, could you be paid an hourly rate from his income to do this work?

Also, I do think you have left this too long. If you are absolutely out of all available credit then this has been going on waaaaay too long. You need to take control now, as this is simply not sustainable.

I say I'd do the chasing (and I would get that money) but I'm loathe to actually advise taking over. Wtf is his problem? He's running a business, right?

He's always been crap at money, and crap at discussing anything without just getting defensive and clamming up. We rarely argue, because it is just me getting upset/angry and him being silent/blank.

I don't work at the moment, I'm a SAHM to our 3 year old but was supposed to take over doing some admin and chasing for him, but he basically hasn't let me For the last year I've been saying "fine, I'll call them" but he refuses and says he'll do it.

Oh dear, sympathy to both of you. I don't know what line your DP is in, but it's very common for freelancers to struggle like this - and the bigger the corporation, the worse they often are at paying. I have spent years dealing with this sort of shit; you invoice, you wait, the money doesn't come, you chase them, you get fobbed off, you get some chirpy temp going 'Oh, the payments are going out fairly soon,' you wait, you phone again, everyone's out at lunch or in a meeting, and all the time you are racking up charges on your own account, and you know that if you get heavy and threaten to sue, you might get the money in ANOTHER month but then you might not get any work from that company again, and depending on the industry, you worry that you might be labelled as a troublemaking whiner and never work again....

That's why I'm on a debt management plan . Does your DP have other skills that could be put to use in a part time job? Do you work? Ccould you take on a part time job? Are you as a family getting WTC/CTC?

It isn't sustainable at all, I know :(

I've got a new job starting soon, so at least we'll have some regular money coming in in a month or so. I just feel so let down that I trusted him and this is still going on.

He should be running a business, but he isn't. He's happy enough doing the work, but pitching himself, getting new business, getting paid - not interested, hates doing it (so doesn't).

Things have rather reached a head now though, haven't they? If you can't pay rent?! Snatch his files out of this hand and do what needs to be done to look after your dc and your home.

Then have a think about what to do with him

Oh right, Xpost. SO actually your DP does need a bit of a kick up the arse if he's not chasing these people and won't let you do so on his behalf either. Depending on what he does, it might be worth considering a factoring service who basically chase the money on his behalf.

Yes SolidGoldBrass that's exactly it - big corporation, horrendous payer, but because he is so bad about getting new business we are probably 80% reliant on them.

We are just at/under the threshold for tax credits but are somehow paying them a grand because I underestimated our income by about £300 two years ago

His line of work is something he could do as a job, probably, on a similar salary to what he earns now, but he won't consider it. Doesn't want to go into an office, wants to have enough time to pursue his personal interests etc.

He does need a kick up the arse. Every couple of months I run out of money and have to have a massive go at him, he gets completely wounded and defensive and makes me feel like a total bitch for hassling him when I know he finds the whole thing so stressful, but then we do actually get the money.

If he isn't getting paid, he isn't running a business, he's running a charity.

Simple steps can help (in future), such as all bills including a 5% discount if paid within 28 days, and/or second stage letters going out from a different name so you look bigger than you are. Also, he shouldn't do any further work until debts are paid. They pay those who shout loudest!

Anyway, this doesn't help you right now. Don't let him put you in this position again!

Would counselling help?

It may help him understand that while you are pissed off, you are not attacking him, but want to help deal with the situation. Perhaps he needs a bit of help to let go of the reins and admit that he cant do it all.

A lot of people put of doing paperwork. I'm one of them. But that doesn't help you. He needs a system set up whereby routine invoices get sent out and then reminders. Would an accountant help. This haphazard system is falling apart. Or pay somebody to do this.

I don't know about counselling, it seems a big step (plus we can't afford it!) - but we literally can't talk about money. Or he won't, anyway.

Ironically, he has just starting paying someone to do some admin and invoice stuff, but he hasn't chased them up either.

Can't he statement them every month?

I work in credit control. I just send a statement every month listing what's owed. Eventually you move to red letters or heavy handed phone calls but it's a gradual thing. It sounds like he never follows up after posting the first invoice.

Could you do the credit control for him?

x post.

Sounds like he needs a PA. Must be so frustrating for you.