Am I being really horrible?

[Millymolly01]

Hi I'm new to mumsnet and wanted a bit of advice. My partner has come up with a scheme which would enable him to live his dream of giving up work, if it worked out and it's a very big if. He wants me to help pay for it with my hard earned money and I've had to say no as I don't think it's a viable idea. There are very good financial reasons and other reasons why I'm saying this. We both have a child from previous relationships and we don't function well as a family. As I see it, I work hard and it is his dream not mine. I know I seem awful but we very much have different ideas for the future and what I want is quite different I think. Do you think I'm being awful? :(

No. He should work to get to the point that he is able to achieve his dream- not step over you in order to get to it!

You are quite right. Stand your ground!

No. I would say you need to protect your children and yourself.

No I do not think you are awful at all!
Your money, your choice.

You have important, ongoing financial responsibilites.
You don't think the venture is viable.
Your relationship and future is not even close to guaranteed.
OP, you would be crazy to stump up the money for this man.

When you've got a child to keep it would be irresponsible to splash out on someone else's dream, unless it's money you can comfortably spare.

Thanks everyone, you all echo my thoughts. It isn't a lump sum right now but would involve upheaval and lots of money over the years. Thank you all for your advice. I suppose when you're a couple you do things together but I always thought it should be a joint dream, not just one persons x

Bit confused.

Who is going to pay for his child or his mortgage or food?

Are you just going to be working for him to sit in his arse and if not how is he going to afford to fill his time if he is not earning?

Sorry. We both work at the moment and he plans to continue working until the other venture was doing well enough to allow him to leave so I haven't put that across properly. The problem is, I work in this area so i know it is extremely unlikely that it would succeed and it also requires a lot of money up front which we would both need to save up/ sell house which we both pay for. I had to be honest, it's not what I want, nor do I think it's viable but he is making me feel really bad now because he hasn't had his own way. He accused me of 'having no dreams' myself which isn't true. Tbh I think it's the tip of the iceberg :( as I have a few nagging doubts about us in general. Is there any point if we want completely different things?

"Is there any point if we want completely different things?"

When I read your first post I wondered this. You don't sound particularly committed to him regardless of his ideas for the future. Perhaps this episode is revealing.

If its his dream and will potentially be able to substitute for him having a 'proper' job he needs to come up with a business plan and go to his bank for financial backing, not expect you to put your home and security on the line for him.

TBH the fact he wants you to help his dream is bad enough, it's a no for sure.