Not sure when you will read this, but I begged you to show me that iPad tonight, begged you and you refused, did that make you feel good? Like a man? Stupid little woman begging you! I am so ashamed of how the kids were made to feel, so ashamed. There little faces crying and so sad. But i promise those girls will never ever think thats an ok way to be treated by a man. Ever, I will teach them they deserve so much better than that. They do not have to do what some man tells them to do! I never thought I would be treated like this and never want them to go through this. I am sick of thinking of dying sick of feeling worthless . I am sick of being scared to phone people and tell then the truth. It is all about to change.
This was after an almighty ding dong because he hid his iPad from me and flatly refused to tell me where it was. I stood there crying, kids were, begging him and he just looked at me and said no. I found it in the end under a cupboard nothing bad on it this time (i know all the tricks 
) so why do that to me?
He is not speaking to me again today 
not bothered by that at all after 14 years of it. Kids are unsettled but he did just have a go and said something about how he is going to when I told him to go away !
I am going to start a note thing where I recall every shitty arsehole thing he has said or done to me or made me do because he said he was unhappy. I am fighting back and he doesn't like it ! Then maybe I will get the confidence to tell people.