Help me end it

[Goitalone]

Have NC
Sorry for bullet points but I haven't got long

On off partner of 8 years , we've never lived together.

He's very unemotional, has hardly ever said he loves me

He can't just put his arm around me when I'm upset, which is all I want really.

He's not good with my very difficult teen.

He says his mood depends on my mood, if I'm down then he gets sulky/goes quiet.

We had a long chat on phone last night and he asked how long should someone put up with the difficult time( it has been going in a while)
I said , if you love someone then you try and help/support for ever or until you don't want to any more.

Oh dear it doesn't look good written down.

Opinions please, be kind I'm a bit frazzled

He's a dick and you both deserve better.

His mood depends on your mood? WTF?
Can't or WON'T put his arm around when you're upset?
Hardly ever says he loves you, after 8 years?
Goes moody when you're down? Bloody childish attention seeking.

Get rid of the twat. This is no man.

IT'S NOT WORKING - get out.

Oh and...

How long do you PUT UP with someone who's having a difficult time? What the fucking hell?

Seriously? He said that?

He doesn't care for either of you one little bit. I'd go so far as to say he's using you for sex and that's it. He doesn't respect either of you, never mind love you.

Why are you wasting your time with this prat? You might get hit by a car tomorrow and you're wasting your emotions and effort with this waste of head space.

You have summed up what I am thinking. It was when he asked how long does he put up with it that did it for me.

The difficulties I'm having with my teen don't really affect him anyway. We only see each other twice a week.

I'm not even moody when I'm with him. If he asks how things are I just eye roll and say don't ask.

If you only see him twice a week, that's still too much.

Call him and say, I've had a long think after our last discussion. I don't want anyone to feel as though they have to PUT UP with us so I think it's better if we end it now. Thanks for everything and maybe I'll bump into you sometime.

DO NOT go back to him, respond or read his texts.

That git is heartless and wont give a shit - he'll just be pissed that you dumped him first.

I've deleted his number from my phone.

He seems to be without emotion. When I told him that my friend had had a brain haemorrhage he didn't say how awful , or your poor friend. He just asked what sort of lifestyle she had led!

You are spot on Farrow I don't want someone who 'puts up' with me

Did you end it before you deleted his number?

Not in so many words. I just said that I can't cope with him dumping his moods on me as we'll as the other troubles I've got going on. Wished him luck and said goodbye

Well done.

How do you feel?

Well done goitalone I had a partner and relationship which sounds fairly similar to yours. His mood depending on mine, although he never actually said it, it was obviously the case. Especially where sex was involved

He also said frequently that he puts up with me and my illness o a daily basis ( even though we didn't live together either)

If I was upset he'd get moody as the attention wasn't on him. I put up with it for 4 years and towards the end I knew it was so wrong but felt worn down and almost afraid to leave. He was the one who ended up leaving me which was a huge shock. It's like he'd got all he could from me and couldn't be bothered to give. What I'm trying to say is good on you for finishing it because that type of man will take all they can from you and when they've tired of you will move on to something or someone else, because they were never really in love

It's not good is it jackie . We are better off without emotionally challenged men.

Farrow I sort of feel a bit nothingy really

Yesgoitalone we are better off. I wish I had done the right thing and ended it as you have. You have come out with your dignity in tact, me on the other hand let him humiliate hugely one final time and then walk away. Well done for you and good luck

Hold your head high jackie. Don't feel bad . It's them not us xx

Goitalone, you definitely did the right thing. You might find your teenager calms down a bit. If not, you will at least have more energy to deal with the behaviour as you will not be trying to juggle things. I did the same a while ago and the house is slightly calmer with 2 challenging teens.

I thought the time was right to date but it wasn't. I won't be dating again until they leave home. People might think I am being a martyr but I need to focus on them. I was also very sensitive if EXP ever criticised their behaviour to me.

Goitalone, it sounds like you have made the right decision. 8 years is a lot of time to spend on something that isn't going anywhere. Be good to yourself, and don't rush into anything else for a while.

DearJackie I think I remember your thread? Glad to hear you sounding so good.

Thank you beryl am determined to stay strong, nearly three weeks down the line now and it's getting better every day

DearJackie how are things with you?

Hi beryl having a bad day today actually. Feeling quite low. On the whole though I'm coming through it because I know it's for the best and I could never go back.

I just still catch myself trying to work out quite how his mind worked and how it came to end up that HE dumped ME seemingly put of the blue

out not put

Jackie how are you getting on with thinking about other interests? It sounds like you could do with some distraction. x

Goitalone apologies - how are you getting on too? Any decisions?