Frightened:(

[p1nkpr1ncess]

After a few years of being unhappy with a h who doesn't help with dcs, sits at computer or tv all the time, shows no interest in spending time with me,doesn't spend quality time with us as a family and sits up til the early hours then doesn't get up in mornings, over the years there have a been a few incidents of dv and now I am realising there was quite a bit of ea and bullying, never said I was perfect but I loved him and wanted it to work. I finally said I wanted a divorce,he wanted another chance and to go to counselling blah, blah but I said no - he had his chances. He was verbally abusive when solicitors letters arrived, really nasty and threatening to me and dcs, I left one day after dv and calling police - couldn't do it anymore, I had tried to be amicable for dcs sake but enough was enough:( He is in the home(his)making it all nice for himself and I am staying with relatives. I am scared of what the future holds:( we have mediation to go to but I have nothing(spent most of it) and he is saying he has nothing. Over the years I have 'saved for a rainy day' and that's what's keeping me going atm but I am frightened it will be taken from me. I am frightened every time I receive communication from him and when I take dcs there I shake and feel physically sick:( I am scared of what he is making me out to be, he is very angry at me for doing this and has threatened to make me pay for it:( sorry for rambling, any advice appreciated

Thank you, I have support from family and friends and a lady from an organisation is providing help. It's what goes on in my mind, I listen to what everyone says. It my head has other ideas, I have nothing and am looking at starting from nothing, I can't control the feelings of fear I have, it's more from the ea and what's been said and threatened:( I have to organise contact for dcs atm, my family are not keen, it just feels like nothing is within my control and he is the victim because I finally stood up for myself:(

Things may be really, really hard right now but there is one thought that you must hold on to... You've done it, girl!

You've left him. You've got your children. This is your chance to start over without that bastard.

Keep strong, only communicate through solicitor or through email so that you have a record of what he says. You're the winner.

Thank you-I am trying to hold on to the positives, I am feeling very overwhelmed and lost right now. Of course I have the fear he may say he wants the children as he is living in the home:(

If you are married why is the family home 'his'. It's not his legally surely? Have you had legal advice yet? That might help with some of your fears. He can say lots of things, but that certainly doesn't make them fact.
You should be entitled to live somewhere with your children, you are their primary caregiver, so actually that makes it more likely that you should have the family home while he contributes to it.
Don't believe anything he says.

He has a legal agreement with his family over the house-they joint own it, I was unaware of this, they are quite happy to see me and dcs out of the family home

That's dreadful. You are still their primary caregiver though, it doesn't matter what he wants. Have you got legal advice? Can you call the lady from the support organisation or your family and talk to them about how you are feeling right now?

I don't think you should be doing mediation with an abusive man. What do woman's aid advise. Would you call them to ask for help on what to do next?

What has your solicitor said about that?

Also, did you know you can 'shuttle mediation'? You are each in separate rooms so don't see each other at all. You also get separate entrances/exits. I don't know if that might help. The disadvantage is that you don't know exactly what lies he's spouting, only what the mediator tells you.

What you've done - getting away from him - is brilliant! Well done.

I have discovered about being in seperate rooms for mediation, hoping that can be sorted, didn't think about the lies but they seem to come freely anyway. I am lost with it all,never expected to be here:( solicitor has said to go and see whats said and take it from there. Spoken to a friend and feel but better, coming on here helps too, thank you