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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband has told me that he no longer fancies me!

8 replies

whydoIthinkitsmyfault · 20/08/2013 04:11

After being married for 25 years, having 4 children (one 13 years apart from the others!) my husband has had an affair of 18 months because he no longer fancies me. The hurt is unbelievable and I don't know whether we can recover and go forward even if I wanted to. Any advice?

OP posts:
Wellwobbly · 20/08/2013 06:08

'I don't love you any more' by Dr David Clarke.

The best book on affairs there is. It is written TO YOU and tells you WHAT YOU must do.

Lizzabadger · 20/08/2013 06:11

I am sorry this has happened to you.

Ask him to leave while you work out what you want to do.

See a solicitor.

Get as much real-life support as you can.

Ledkr · 20/08/2013 06:14

He had an affair because he wanted to.
Not fancying you is his quite frankly feeble excuse.
Do not believe him for a second, he is trying to cover guilt and take no responsibility for his actions.
I'm so sorry.

LovesBeingOnHoliday · 20/08/2013 06:16

The title of this thread should be my shit of a husband had an affair

You seen to be taking them blame, why?

JustinBsMum · 20/08/2013 07:27

What a bastard. There is no need for him to destroy your self-esteem by telling you he no longer fancies you or for him to have an affair for 18 months without trying to resolve his marriage. An utter shit, kick him into touch quick. The sooner you get rid the sooner you can get your own life back on track.
What do you plan for your future, what have you always wanted to do??? Start planning.

niceupthedance · 20/08/2013 07:31

What a selfish bastard. Hmm

I don't think there's any coming back from his horrible actions. Can you tell anyone in RL?

attheendoftheday · 20/08/2013 17:43

He didn't have an affair because he doesn't fancy you. That's just a way of turning things round so he can blame you for something he's entirely responsible for.

Cock.

Wellwobbly · 21/08/2013 09:10

Yes the hurt is unbelievable. Nobody can imagine the devastation - I so wish it didn't happen.

How are you, OP? THIS ISN'T YOUR FAULT.

This is about HIM putting his selfish need for a thrill first, and NOT CARING about what it would do to you.

I seriously hope you grow a backbone and kick him out. DO NOT TOLERATE this frank disrespect and taking you/what you do, for granted.

My H is going to be alone at Christmas. He hasn't thought about that. It will only hit him when he is on his own with no turkey brussels sprouts or family.

His reaction? Will be to feel sorry for himself. Oh, and to blame me. All his choices...

But the only thing that matters is for you to get yourself out of the firing line of his insanity/infatuation/disrespect/abuse. Tell him to LEAVE and lawyer up fast.

Let OW or the b&b wash his scuds and make his meals.

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