Lurker coming out the shadows to ask some advice :)
I have a friend whom I love to bits. Our children are very close and I would do anything for her.
She has worked herself into a complete anxious mess which is alienating her from the people around her. I think to a certain extent we have enabled her to get into this situation but I'm just finding it very difficult to not feel a bit upset by her behaviour.
Back story- She has come out of a horribly abusive relationship and we rallied around her to help her step out of the abuse, see his behaviour for what it is, and she has gone through a nasty court case with terrible cafcass worker and unhelpful solicitor. Leading up to the court case (over a period of 8/9 months) she would call everyday, sometimes several times a day and I'd be on the phone with her for up to two hours each time. It was quite emotionally draining but I wanted to listen and help as best I could because she was in such a bad way after his awful abuse. I would do anything for my friends and the rescuer in me didn't mind helping her especially because I care for her so much.
The problem is she doesn't help herself at all and its getting worse. She rarely listens to advice from family, friends, and agencies and just continues to engage with and be consumed with her ex. Her anxiety has got so bad that I don't even think she is seeing reality and she spends her day on the phone to friends/family/agencies going over and over and over these new dramas, the old dramas, and creating new ones in front of her DC. Its got to the point where she just talks about herself and her situation and seems to be oblivious to the world around her and what is happening in everyone else's lives.
She will call at awkward times (knowingly) and keep you on the phone for such a long time, if busy you can't politely excuse yourself any more because she just keeps talking, sometimes over you :( she compares and sometimes even trivialises my situation when describing to me how awful her life is (I'm also a single Mum out of a abusive relationship)
She constantly makes plans and hours and will call to say she'll be there in an hour, then another hour, and then will cancel so you've waited in all day for her not to come. For my birthday we made plans to go out because I never do and she ignored my calls and texts all that day and didn't come out even though she invited me to crash at hers after drinks so I had to change plans at the last minute. When I said I was upset about it she said that she does so much for me and that I was being unfair :(
I know some of her family have stopped taking her calls and that they find it difficult to be around her because of how manic and intense she can be when talking about her situation. Its all she talks about now and she seems to be almost encouraging awful exchanges with her ex regarding her dc :(
she really has a beautiful soul and I hate that she's alienating herself because she has so much potential but just can't seem to let go of her past. Its just become completely draining being her friend and I feel so horrible and selfish for feeling this way but I don't know how much more I can take. Its been a year since this all started and I'm just wondering if maybe I should sit her down and let her know how I'm feeling? I realise that this could mark then end of our friendship but I kind of feel that I love her so much I'd rather be honest and try and gently explain to her then just distance myself and risk our friendship just fading away. I'm so torn, I know it would be difficult to hear for her and maybe its not my place. WWYD? Am I being too interfering? Or maybe I'm just being a crap friend?
TIA