I don't understand *stamps feet!

[llwynogbach]

So yesterday Dp was obviously in a bad mood and very stressed, I steered clear. He is super stressed about his financial situation and work at the moment. The out of the blue he says he's fed up and bored, and that maybe I should rent a room to stay in during he week, and that he hates the fact I provide all the shopping for the household(we've been together 6 months and housing situations kind of forced us to live together for the past 2 months.)
As it goes I agree with him and think we need space so we can do our own things that are just for us because we got too comfortable too quickly. However I was a little upset at the way it was put across. Then he while he was eating dinner I went in and explained I wasn't upset or angry at him but at the situation as it was kind of out of the blue, and he just tried to create an argument, telling me I was boring, he'd waited 6 months to see if I did anything exciting but clearly I never would, went on about my food fussiness (due to an abusive childhood) and said couldn't share his life with me or anyone because it was such a mess and I should move out asap. 15 min later I went to tell him I was going out and he was crying, I told him I loved him and he said I didn't have to leave now and that he loved me but he just felt that he couldn't offer me anything.So I'm giving him space and typing this from a b&b feeling very lonely :(

The complication in this story is that he suffers from a frontal lobe brain injury, this means he really struggle to deal with emotions when there's other issues going on which can lead to depressive and distructive episodes and he certainly can't deal with more than one problem. I know he didn't mean what he said hence the upset later on, but he's so reactive, he'll just push everyone away thinking he has to deal with his problems on his own. Arrghh I just want him to realise that I don't love him because of his income or his job and that I can help him, he doesn't need to push me away. How can I do that without seeming overbearing, and how do I deal with it sensitively?

Hi OP, how are you doing? Did you go home?

I'm just wondering if there is any support you can access yourself. Is the brain injury recent? What support does your DP have (apart from you)? Have you looked at www.headway.org.uk/home.aspx

I did go home and we talked it through sensibly and worked it out. His brain injury was when he was early 20 years ago but still affects him sometimes. He doesn't really have much support as he's so unwilling to accept help. He's going through a really depressive episode at the moment. He hates his new job, feels very isolated and frustrated and is dealing with the effects of not working for 3 months. I think he just can't see a way out and is almost punishing himself for that...its hard work but I'm not going anywhere. I'll take a look at that link when I'm on the laptop though. Thankyou :)

Just make sure you look after you, and also brain injuries or depression are not an excuse for him to be mean to you. He is responsible for himself and his behaviour and you are responsible for you and yours. Keep that in the back of your mind. You can't have a relationship with someone who won't take responsibility, and that includes him seeking help from professionals when he needs it. for you

I didn't mean to sound harsh - just want you to remember to mind yourself too.

You want to stick it out, but he doesn't want to be helped.
How is that going to work?
You'll just take whatever he throws at you?

You should insist on him getting help, or you moving out.