So I made this gorgeous dinner for us all. Me and DP are dieting at the moment, it was a really nice recipe that I've made before, but very low fat and tasty. And he had a huge pile of it.
Finished it (to be fair, he did say thanks), and said
'Was there any onion in that? If I could just make one small criticism, it would be that there wasn't quite enough onion'
'Yeah I used up the spring onions in the fridge'
'Oh yes. I forgot we were on meagre rations this week while we're waiting for payday'
I'd hardly call it meagre rations! It was a big plateful of lovely chicken and rice and creme fraiche and chilli, ffs! Which is what I said obviously
It's because he didn't cook it himself, so finds it reaaalllly hard to compliment me without a little backhander in there 
Fucker.
Mind you, when I was with DD's dad, I was looking in the mirror while we were getting ready to go out one night, New Years Eve, it was - and I said
'Do I look fat in this dress?'
He said... 'Sweet, you ARE fat. Just accept it.'
Arseholes, the lot of them.
As you were 