how do i stop doing this

[dementedmumof6]

My stbxh and I split up almost 4 years ago while I was pregnant with our 6th child, we got back together briefly 2 years ago then separated again in February of this year.
And me being the complete idiot that I am started sleeping with him again a few months ago knew we couldn't live together but thought we were dating again only to be told last week that he has met someone else and wants to make a go of it with her, he swears that he didn't sleep with her while with me but needs to give it a try.

Now to the bit I need to stop I always said because we had kids that I would keep things civil between us, but now everytime he opens his mouth I start an argument really need to not do that as not healthy for anyone least of all me but I can't seem to help myself.
It doesn't help that the woman he wants to make a go of it with is a friend of a friend that I had recently (thought I) had got close to and who the kids love and adore.

It shouldn't matter to me we were not properly together but it does really bother me , I had met him when I was 16 and he was the only person I have ever slept with.

Sorry don't know what I want just to get it out I suppose and if you managed to get thru all that well done

Don't really know what to sy except sorry you're going through this

Thanks Apileof

Its just incredibly hard as every single time we have an argument it comes down to being my fault, I wasn't there enough and didn't show enough affection , I didn't make him feel wanted or loved because I wouldn't sit on the couch and cuddle up ect the reason for that was everytime I did he would feel me up we couldn't have a cuddle without him expecting more.

and me being an idiot took him back even though I didn't trust him anymore after he slept with my cousin (he insists it was after we split the first time) but he refused to cut ties with her as it wasn't upto me to choose his friends.

I just feel crap at the moment and cant cut him out completely as the youngest kids are still really young (3+5)

sorry am just ranting now

Sounds like she has done you a favour.

Has he taken responsibility for anything to do with your marriage failing? Has he accepted that his behaviour with your cousin was wrong and destructive? Thought not.

He is a shit head who lets you think that you are trying again, uses you for sex and then dumps you when someone else comes along. He doesnt mind shitting on your doorstep with your cousin and now your friend. He blames you for everything and refused to cut ties with your cousin who was the OW (sorry but he probably was sleeping with her and you at the same time) and has very likely been sleeping with you and his new GF at the same time.

You have every right to be angry, but as you say, it isnt helping. I suggest that rather than letting rip from now on you channel your anger into making you the ice queen. You dont need to engage with him at all, he needs to come round, collect the kids and go, thats it. There is no need for him to come through your front door. Do not let him bully you into seeing the kids at your house, he must take them out.

I should add, be warned that the ice queen act can often cause him to try and get back in with you. Nothing is more attractive than what you cant have, do no fall for it because as soon as you do the bungee with bounce back the other way and he will be off again.

I know your right bogey,
it's just so hard as I have literally no-one where I live I did have friends ect but they were mutual friends and unfortunately I live in a small place(no option of moving) where everyone knows everyone else and they are all the gf friends as she was born and raised here so have known her longer. and I have no option but to bump into her and have everyday so far this week , I have ignored and acted like I havn't even with the kids shouting her name and asking to go to her house