why does it hurt STBXH has found an apartment after 6 months apart?

[goodenuffmum]

Please help me understand why I feel sad and hurt that STBXH is moving out of his mum's house and into an apartment?

He left 6 months ago after telling me that he didn't love me anymore (9 months ago). I didn't beg him to stay and I've worked hard at moving on. I went to counselling, I don't bad mouth him to the DC and am slowly building up the social life I ignored over the 15 years we were together.

I am less stressed since he left now I don't have to worry about his weekend binges and am working full time in a pretty stressful job.

If I'm honest I still love him but know that I deserve to be in a relationship where my needs are more important than getting hammered at the weekend.

So why did it hurt so much when he told me about the apartment? And what do I need to do to make sure that I don't feel like this every time he tells me something about how he is moving on? I'm now dreading the news that he is dating again if this is how I feel about him moving into an apartment!

Thanks

Going thru a similar thing here, despite being the one that kicked stbxh out. He popped round at the weekend to collect something. Asked me to divvy up CDs. Later on kids said 'mummy, why are you still wearing your wedding ring? Daddy has taken his off'. Cue lump in throat from me. I think it is the pain of your lives unravelling. However the split occurs, it's a slow, gradual process with inevitable pain on the way. And it comes, like grief, when you least expect it.....

Probably because it's another tangible nail in the coffin? You may know rationally that the relationship as it was is over, but our emotions generally take a while to catch up with our rational brain.

You are allowed to feel grief for what might have been... there is nothing wrong with that; just try to take a deep breath, acknowledge that it is a legitimate feeling and move on when you are ready.

thanks slippery

how far along are you? I took my ring off as soon as he told me he didn't love me (I did it in temper more than anything) but he didn't take his off till March. It really hurt.

When does this pain stop?

DorisShutt
That makes sense.

I didn't think he would ever leave even though things were crap for the last 2 years

I just thought that after 6 months I wouldn't have felt that way when he told me...hate this grieving process!

Is there anything positive I can do at this stage? This is the first time I have been single since I started dating at 15: I decided early on that I'm not going to get into a new relationship until I am happy being single iykwim but it's lonely!

I am a mere eight weeks in, and only just coming out of the 'ecstatically happy and massively relieved' phase (different journey) into darker times of realisation of what has happened and how big and final it is

It's really hard isn't it Slippery? I don't want to bore my friends now that the initial shock has passed and my "D"M thinks I should get back together with my first serious boyfriend from 24 years ago!!

How are you coping?

What has helped you so far? I changed his name on my phone to something silly and gave him a really funny contact photo which makes me smile when he phones. Immature I know but it makes me happy!

Ooh I might try that, goodenuffmum. So far I have been propped up by amazing friends... but everyone's been there for me in my 'ecstatic' phase and as people are now getting used to my new situation I feel I need them more than ever for the grieving/tearful/out of control/separating the CD collection bit. Friends, wine, and work, have kept me going. No two ways about it.