I am so sick of his addictions

[charlotte789]

Have namechanged.

I have been with dp for 3 years and he seems to lunge from one addiction to the next. He told me he had a heroin addiction from the age of 17-20 and managed to get off that. While he's been with me for the most part it's been gambling. It makes me so angry because he has to work long hours in a very hard job and then he may as well have thrown all the money he earned down the drain. The problem is of course that I don't understand why he is like this so I can't help him.

I do love him and he is in many ways a great person. He is lovely with my children and treats them like his own. But while he is like this we are never going to be able to get married.

Now I discover he has started taking and has become addicted to mephedrone. I found this out because I discovered a straw in his bag. I am just so fed up and sad. He is now totally unable to do anything and is a complete, shaking mess. I don't know how he is managing to go to work.

I have given him an ultimatum and said that although I love him I can't go on like this and I cannot have a drug addict around my children. I said that as well as getting clean from this drug, he needs to go and get some psychotherapy to face up to his issues and find out WHY he is an addict.

Can addicts ever stop this cycle? I know and have told him that HE has to want to do it for himself, not for me or anyone else.

Remember the 3 C's

You did not cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot sure this.

Addicts can, and do stop the cycle but unfortunately they often have to hit rock bottom to achieve this.

He needs to seek professional help on his own steam, you can support him but it isn't your responsibility to police his progress.

Talktofrank

I sincerely hope he gets the help he needs.

You can't have this in your DC's lives. Walk away.

Leave him. Quite honestly.

My exH is an alcoholic and leaving him was the best thing I ever did.

The problem is of course that I don't understand why he is like this so I can't help him.

It's not your job to understand the cause or his addictions or to help him improve. Your responsibility is to your DC, and yourself. Remove yourself and your DC from him. He will seek help if and when he wants to. There is nothing you can do to push him along this route, but you can - and should! - remove this model of inadequacy from your children's lives.

I would walk. Otherwise you are going to spend the rest of your life looking out for signs to see if he is addicted to anything else. It will be exhausting.

Some can get clean but it's a bloody long hard road, and some people are not strong enough.

There's no guarantee he will stay clean.

You need to let him go to protect your kids (& yourself).

Get yourself and your innocent children far from this damaged and dangerous man.

You all deserve better.

If you don't believe that, then get counselling or start readi g about addiction and codependency to u see stand why you're attracted to him.

But get away as soon as you can. Your children deserve better.

Get him out of your house.

Imagine if one of your children were to find his stash?

Get him out.

we don't live together

Another vote for dumping him and cutting all contact. There is absolutely nothing that you can do to fix his addictions. They are his problem. Don't let them be your children's problem too.

My parents have a co-dependent relationship. I went away with them recently and was struck by the fact that my dad is like a baby - needs my mum's help with everything and he is an alcoholic. My mum has to police his spending all the time.

The problem is of course that I don't understand why he is like this so I can't help him

Understanding will make absolutely no difference and you can't help anyone out of an addiction. Please distance yourself from him, it'll bring you nothing but pain, your children don't need to see this and it's probably going to get a lot worse before it gets better.