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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would it bother you if your OH had no sex drive but watched porn?

13 replies

UnCogNito · 18/08/2013 21:03

Our sex life used to be great but now it's shit. I have to initiate it 99.9% of the time and around 50% of that time I get rejected.

DP is never in the mood.

He'll get on with it and do it for my sake but it's only because I want to. There is no passion, he never comes onto me, he never shows that he wants me. Even on the very rare occasion that he does initiate it's cold - hand down there, press the right button - kind of thing. He doesn't stroke, caress or passionately kiss me to show me that he wants me.

He does watch porn though. When I first found out we had words and he promised he'd stop. I've recently found it not successfully deleted from the history however.

So he has no passion for sex with me but gets quite turned on by "married girl gets banged on kitchen work top" and "naughty estate agent caught on camera."

So - whilst porn use isn't the worst thing a bloke could do, it's a bit shitty to be into that and not real sex with your girlfriend isn't it?

See another thing is he's so boring in bed. Missionary is his favourite position which, whilst there is nothing wrong with that he never wants to try anything else. Foreplay is always the same 'hand down there' scenario - in the years we've been together he's "been down on me" twice and the second time was only because I asked him to. He doesn't seem to mind receiving oral off me though.

He asked me my favourite position once, I said 'doggy'. He said "ah right! I'll have to remember that!" - we've not done it since.

Funny though how he quite likes to watch "woman bent over tool bench getting fucked" and "bored housewife likes it doggystyle" etc.

What am I just a fat ugly freak that he has no desire for then? cos that's what it feels like.

OP posts:
SirRaymondClench · 18/08/2013 21:28

What do you get from being with a subfunctional loser like this?

Vivacia · 18/08/2013 21:32

Would it bother me? I wouldn't be with him.

Twinklestein · 18/08/2013 21:33

Watching porn and having sex is one thing, watching porn instead of having sex is another.

He's basically in a relationship with Mrs Palm & her 5 lovely etcs

LaydeeJayne · 18/08/2013 21:34

This is really crap behaviour from your partner OP. It will be because he is watching too much porn that he has no sex drive with you I expect. Have you discussed with him exactly how this is making you feel? I don't really have any advice I'm afraid - I'm in a similar situation Sad

PeppermintPasty · 18/08/2013 21:35

It's not you, it's him. And yes, it would bother me.

I would get rid.

picnicbasketcase · 18/08/2013 21:36

Yes, it absolutely would bother me, I can't believe anyone would be okay with that, tbh. I'm not hugely offended by porn but using it and showing no desire for anything else would end things I think.

SirRaymondClench · 18/08/2013 21:48

I had a P like this. He never had the urge to have sex because he was too busy tossing himself off to porn. It's no way to live. It destroyed my self confidence at the time.
I ditched the loser for a man who was capable of having sex with a living breathing woman rather than a 2d image on a screen.

NotConnie · 18/08/2013 21:56

Agree with all previous replies, but also want to point out that you seem to have contradicted yourself. First paragraph "our sex life used to be great" but then when you go on to detail your sex life, it doesn't sound great at all, and sounds like it never was. If it was never great, now he's developed this porn habit it would be very difficult to make it great in the future. I'd be more hopeful if you used to have a great sex life and there was a possibility that he would realise that his porn habit was ruining his real sex life.
Sorry OP, not feeling positive about the future for you two.

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 18/08/2013 22:11

I would not accept this, no.

Smerlin · 18/08/2013 22:22

Yes it would bother me a lot!

GetStuffezd · 18/08/2013 23:07

Can you see yourself living with this as a sex life for the rest of your life?

WhiteandGreen · 18/08/2013 23:37

He does have a sex drive, just not with you. Do you want to put up with that? If it's never been great it's unlikely to improve IMO.

coribells · 19/08/2013 06:14

I had a husband like that , I LTB ( other reasons as well) I now have a lovely partner and amazing sex life (even after 4 years ) He adores me. I hadn't realised just how much my ex s porn habit had on my self esteem.

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