Have I failed a friendship test?

[mermaid101]

I'll try to keep a long story short.

In my late teens/early twenties, I was friends with a group of about 3/4 other women. It became apparent that I wasn't a great friendship "fit" for them and after a while stopped seeing them.

Recently, one of them got in touch with me and arranged to go for a coffee as she said she had been thinking about me and what great times we had shared.

We met up, it was all very nice and pleasant, but nothing was said about meeting again and I haven't heard from her since.

I'm not too bothered. I was a bit reluctant to go in the first place, as I felt that she and the others in the group and treated me badly when we were friends. However, it has led me to wonder: do you think she was considering trying to rekindle the friendship and after meeting me found me still lacking in some way? Should I have said something about meeting up again or did she just want to see me as a one off?

I appreciate that, of course, no one can say for certain, but am interested in any opinions.

Thanks

A few thoughts:

• If either of you has moved away, perhaps she was just passing through where you live and thought 'Oh, I know someone who lives in X, I might as well grab a coffee with her...'
• Could have been plain old curiosity
• You sound quite passive, and I say this in the nicest possible way. YOU stopped seeing THEM. Then this woman got in contact with YOU. And now you're saying nothing was said about meeting up and you haven't heard from her since. Why does she have to do all the running? Having already invited you out for a coffee, could you not take a bit of initiative?

You had a pleasant chat about old times, but you`re not particularly bothered about seeing her again, and apparently neither is she.

If you have no real affinity with this woman why would you bother to rekindle a "friendship" that wasn`t so great years ago when you were younger and presumably had a bit more in common than you do now?

Strange that she referred to the "great times" you had together, when you have memories of being badly treated

Maybe she was feeling nostalgic about her younger days and thought meeting up with you would be a step back in time.

Maybe shes just nosey and wanted to know what youd done with your life.

TBH I wouldnt give it too much thought. You obviously didnt really "click" or one of you would have suggested meeting again.

I dont think you should look upon it as a failure on your part. Why would you be the one who is lacking? You cant bond with everyone.

Sounds to me as though your "friendship" with those girls left you with low self-esteem.
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Thanks for your thoughts waddle.

I suppose in this situation I was pretty passive. However, I felt I was treated pretty badly by this person (and other in the group), which is why I took the decision to stop seeing them. When she got in touch with me, I initially put her off, and thought that would be it, but she asked a few times, so I thought I would meet her. I would never have initiated any contact as I feel that my life has moved on and I didn't really feel any need to see her/them again.

Reading my first post back, I realise that it probably was down to me to make the next move. However, I don't really think resuming the friendship would be good for me.

A friend had suggested that perhaps something had happened which had led her to want to "re-connect" with people from her past, but nothing like that was mentioned.

Maybe like you say, just curiosity. We still live in the same area, so nothing to do with passing through. That would have made more sense to me!

Pixel,

Thanks so much. You are so right. The friendships did leave me feeling pretty bad about myself. I think I was a bit of a "figure of fun" in the group and as I got a bit older, I ended up feeling pretty humiliated sometimes.

On the other hand, we did have some good times too.

Thanks for the understanding/insight. Tis very nice of you!