How do you decide to abort?

[AhShit]

I'm pregnant, it's unplanned, and I'm already struggling badly.

My previous pregnancy was horrible because of hyperemesis and I spent much of it in hospital on a drip, I was induced 2 weeks early because I was so ill with it. Luckily DS was healthy and I adore him.

Problem is I'm already ill with this one, haven't even met my midwife and I've already had 3 hospital visits (one overnight) in 2 weeks. I feel awful. And I'm terrified.

People have kept telling me that it's "only 9 months" and I'll have a lovely baby at the end, but I really cannot stand the thought of another day of this, let alone 9 months. :(

Plus they tell me "well it'll probably only be the first trimester then it'll get better", but that's exactly what I was told last time and it didn't stop. I was vomiting right up until the day DS was born. How on earth am I meant to believe this time will be different??

I'm distraught.

And just to make it really really fun it turns out that DH is totally anti abortion. Is threatening to leave me/take DS away from me if I even consider it.

I'm only just 8 weeks. Got so far to go.

What the hell can I do??

I think you need to talk to your DH, and keep talking to him. Obviously at the moment you feel terrible. So what can he do to help you? Can he do more with DS? Can he do more round the house? Is there anything he can do or get you to alleviate how you are feeling? Can DS distract you at all?

Talking about leaving you and taking DS away from you sounds to me as if H is trying to force you into doing what he thinks of as the 'right' thing. I have not been in your position, so apologies if what is say is too
simplistic, but think your only way forward is to be on the same side. He may be feeling a bit helpless, and not know what to do, so tell him.

Very difficult decision to make and one that has to be done with your dh however it is your body ultimately. If it wasn't for the sickness would you have wanted another?

Decide quickly however as your options are limited the later you leave it

Whatever you decide, he cannot just take DS away. So do not worry about that.

Well its not your husband's decision its yours and quite frankly his threats to take Ds are abusive and vile.

I think you need to see a specialist there are things you can take/they can do to help but you need to push.

If you are on fb, there is a page called the leaky boob, its primarily about bfeedifn but the author of the page made hyperemisis in all aox of her pregnancies to the point of being hospitlaised. She so VERY clued up in what you can take, what they can do to help. She so based in america so it may not all be relevant but if you ,message her she will help. I know she considered abortion with own of her pregnancies and she has written very frankly about that time.

m.facebook.com/pages/Jessica-The-Leaky-Boob/119416948129483?id=119416948129483&_rdr

Here, she blogs as well you should be able to find the link to her blog via her page, honestly she knows her stuff about this and will be very happy to answer of you message her :)

I suffered with hyperemisis in my first pregnancy and so know how ill you feel. Your husband doesn't know how ill you feel (most people just hear morning sickness -normal) if he did maybe his views would be different.

I think you should seek medical advice as if you may find another solution.

www.helpher.org/mothers/get-support/support-groups.php

I am sure you have googled but there seem to be several support organizations and I know there is a support thread on mnet.

You need to think about what you want to do, whether you want this baby and if you decide you wamt a termination then obviously the earlier the better.

Please go see your gp, get a referral to a specialist and see your midwife asap so they can see if they can help you. Be honest with them tell them you are considering abortion as you cant cope with being this ill.

Ultimatly only you can make this decision.

Try talking to your dh, his position is far from supportive! Being mild... You need to think of what you want and what consequences you can live with, in regards to you personally and your relationship.

Perhaps your dh is reacting through shock and doesn't mean what he says, but really his reaction is horrible :(

Thankyou for those links 5, really helpful! :)

DH has been doing everything he can to help, to his credit. I'm still fuming at him for giving me an ultimatum at this time. I'm on two types of anti-emetics, one of which isn't exactly pregnancy safe. But none of the pregnancy safe ones work on me. And I still feel nauseous.

figgy That's the problem, if it wasn't for the sickness I did want another. And to make it worse, I wanted a 2 year gap, which I will get with this one. So, if I didn't feel like hell on earth this pregnancy would be perfect.

It's such an awful situation.

OK so the fact you do want anothrr and the age gap is what you want suggest maybe you do want to continue with this pregnancy bit you need to find ways to help you cope.

You need your dh on side and you need supportive health care providers.

I really hope the links work and you can find something that helps.

Does your little one go to nursery or anything? Maybe some childcare would help give you a break?

What other family and friends do you have nearby?

You want another. You've just said it. So... You need to speak to your DH and explain exactly how awful HG is; that you're scared of going through it again; and that you'll need his unfailing commitment to step up even more now and help you. Then, you go to your GP again, explain how you're feeling, and say that you need as much help as possible to control this. Tell people how you're feeling and the extent of the help you'll need-theres no shame in that.

But, in the grand scheme of things, 7 more months of feeling awful will get you a baby. If there are no other reasons in play here-then maybe grit your teeth and get through it, a day at a time?
Good luck to you x

I just want this to stop. I can't do it again. I just can't. I wanted to die last time. I can't put my body through it again. I'm crying myself to sleep every night. How do I manage 7 more months? I'm not coping. Can't stop crying.

My love - if you cannot do it, you cannot do it. I am not saying 'terminate now' but it remains an option. I am so sorry you are going through this.