Positive trial separation stories?

[LittleLadyFooFoo]

Hi. My DP and I have separated. I am living in the family home. He is living in a house not far away so he can see the DC.
We have been together 11 years and things just got awful in the last few years. We narked each other, We led separate lives in the same house. We ended up sleeping separately too. He took the final decision to leave. Whilst I was upset and felt rejected, i knew we couldnt continue as we were.
Its been over a month now. We seem to be getting on better and talking about where it went wrong. We both seem to be missing what we liked about each other during the good times.
Does anyone have any positive stories of separation and getting back together, where things improved and you were both happy? How long was your separation? Any tips on helping us get there welcome. I think we both still love one another but need to re evaluate how we can be a couple again.
Many thanks.

Anyone? Thanks.

Don't run before you can walk or it'll get painful again.

Good luck and keep us posted.

No advice to offer but am interested in this thread - am in a very rocky place with after his infidelity and I'm considering a trial separation to start on my return from holiday. Do you have a routine for when he sees the DCs and when he sees you? Are you going to marriage counselling? Good luck!

Yes, we have days sorted for seeing DC. Havent gone down counselling route yet but think it might be something that would help. Finding the days I don't have the DC difficult. We don't meet apart from DC times. I think its too soon. I suppose its hard as I can't see into the future and want to have hope rather than the misery I feel right now.
HotCross, have you indicated your plans to your DP?

This probably doesn't count but fwiw: I split with DP after 5 years living together - no kids and we were renting so not quite the same commitments as we have now. He moved to another town and we didn't see each other much (apart from having to sort the sharing of some assets like the car and friendships!) for 6 months. I totally embraced single life and had a ball which ultimately helped when it came to the crunch of deciding whether this was permanent or not - we had counselling after 6 months and decided to stay together, got engaged 6 months later and are still married 15 years later. Our commitments are massive now (marriage, house, children) so I wouldn't imagine it would be as simplistic. The original problems did not go away completely (but our attitude towards dealing with them did change) nor did the counselling sort everything out but I (can only speak for myself) realised that he was as good a person as I would meet and that after 6 months he was desperately willing to try to change behaviour which had contributed to our break up.
I apologise if my experience is too trite next to yours but I wanted to respond to your question of positive separation stories - the separation was what enabled us to be in a long(er) term relationship together.

Not really in any great detail. I mentioned it to him a couple of days ago - he doesn't want to move out, he's not working at the moment and I can't bear the idea of 24/7 in the same house come Sept when I get home with the DCs. Practically Im not sure how he can see the DCs mid week (homework and supper) or over night in a flat share. And short term lets can be expensive. Tricky.

Thanks Duffle. Was good to hear you are married still after working through your difficulties. Thanks.
Hotcross, that does sound tricky. My dp is renting on his own not too far away so works well. Let me know how you get on.

I am in this position too. Been with my DP 10 years, and still love him dearly, but I cannot live with him anymore, and I don't think anything will change without a major shock to how we are together.

I leave on weds, I have no idea how to start to try and find a way back to each other, even if it is possible. It maybe that leaving will cause too much pain (2 dss in the midst). I am just so sad, but I am glad OP to hear that some distance has made you remember the things that you like about each other.

Wishing you luck, and happiness, whatever form that takes.

Hi Iwould, sorry to hear you are having troubles too. Have you ever had counselling?
My DP still being pleasant today but keeping a distance. Im very confused.
Any more positive stories welcome.

My dh and i split for nearly 6 mths 13 yrs ago. I had had severe pnd and was convinced we were going to end up hating each other so made the decision to have a trial split so we could both work out what we really wanted before things got so bad they couldn't be fixed. We took things very slowly and at first he would just collect the dc's and go but gradually he would stay for a coffee and we started talking - properly - and listening to each other. We progressed to 'dating' and realised that we actually were the same people that had fallen in love and all our problems were external and not us if that makes sense? We went on to have 2 more dc and i know 100% that we should be together. I'm glad we did what we did before things became irrepairable. We discussed seeing relate etc but sorted things out ourselves and i think we are stronger than ever. As it was my decision it took dh a long time to feel secure in our relationship again - understandably but i would recomend anyone who was unhappy/ not sure to take time out and work through things slowly. I know that in our case we took each other for granted and didn't realise what we had until we were apart.

We split up for 3 months last April at my instigation. It came as a massive shock to him, for me it had been coming for a long time. I moved in with a friend, he stayed at home. We'd been together since we were 14, and at that age we didn't have the chats about kids, or living/working abroad, or ambition.

I think if it had been up to me we wouldn't have got back together. I was too tired and so convinced it was wrong. He fought for us though, so hard, and in the end I realised what I was walking away from. He's changed a lot, and I've made compromises too. We do a lot more together and started TTC late last year after we talked through his reasons for not wanting children. I'm now 36+6 with twins - am scared sometimes that things are going to change too much for 'us' to cope with, but I guess we'll see, and I'll be aware of it in advance.

I'm so, so happy though. It hasn't been all perfect - I no longer speak to my best friend because after promising she would always be there for me, and wouldn't take sides, she did neither. However, I have often said I don't regret doing what I did, and I really don't.

Good luck!

Thanks Numpty and diet coke. It sounds like a break worked well for you both.
We both seem to be speaking to each other and having a bit of a laugh. However, I am trying my best to be confident again with my own life.

Not me personally, but Pink and Carey Hart were seperated for 11 months and filed for divorce before eventually reunited and having thier first child. A positive story I think.