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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friends marriage going down the pan- what can I do?

5 replies

Armadale · 17/08/2013 20:26

My friend is a MNetter from time to time, so I'm not going to give too many details, but it is obvious that all is not well in her marriage.

From things she says she is obviously desperately worried about him leaving, and I'm not expert but I don't think she is being paranoid. (Recently he has lost weight, had eyebag surgery & teeth veneers (previously of the one old jumper worn all weekend type), bought a sports car, coming in at 10pm after going out to lunch etc.

It is like he is working his way through some midlife crisis handbook). There are a couple of other (financial) reasons that she has to be worried about also that make it seem like he might be making other plans...

I nipped round to see her this afternoon and she had obviously spent the morning crying- I asked and she said trying to set up her new phone had got her really frustrated, so obviously doesn't want to talk about it directly to me atm.

I'm not sure if there is anything I could be/should be doing.

If anyone has been in this position, did any of your friends see it coming, and if so did any of them say anything? Would you have wanted them to?

She has been a lovely friend to me and I'd like to do my best by her.

OP posts:
waltzingmathilda · 17/08/2013 20:28

You do nothing except listen and keep listening. You don't offer opinions or advice - because she'll only shoot the messenger.

sapfu · 17/08/2013 20:29

Tell her she has been a lovely friend to you and if she ever needs an ear, she can call you day or night.

then you stand back and let her come to you if and when she's ready

Onesleeptillwembley · 17/08/2013 20:29

You do nothing! Butt out!

Armadale · 17/08/2013 20:30

Thanks Waltzing Mathilda, that is exactly what I'm worried about- I want her to be able to come round and have a chat whenever its needed and I don't want to do anything to put her off.

OP posts:
Armadale · 17/08/2013 20:31

Yes the day/night thing is a really good thing to say, thanks

OP posts:
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