I need to stop it happening again.

[kestrap]

Was meant to see a friend today but they had to cancel at the last minute (for a good reason).

lt looks like they're in another abusive relationship. It took me over two years to get them out of the last one so I am absolutely gutted that its all happening again. I'm also annoyed with myself that I haven't done anything sooner, I could see from the very start that it was going the same way but I really hoped I was wrong.

They have been very controlling from the start, stopping us seeing each other. Checking through her phone and not letting her see her friends on her own. We've barely spoken for the last couple of months. Before this we were living together!

I got a text out of the blue a few days ago saying something had happened and they were over so I went to see her and she told me about another incident. The day after she texts me saying that they're back together and she doesn't want to know my opinion.

I can't keep quiet and she knows that. I'm not going to sit back and watch this happen all over again.

Erm...

Ok. Look you obviously mean well, but what are you doing?

Read your OP again, it wasn't you who 'got her out of it' last time. She did that herself. (unless you physically removed her against her will)

It isn't your job to get her out of this one either.

I think the point has come at which you need to step back, detach, and realise that it is her choice to be with these people. There is nothing you can do about it.

You have a choice though - to stay in the friendship, or to leave it.

I would suggest that you make your feelings clear and then leave the subject alone - you can stay her friend - but refuse to discuss the relationship at all.

Or say you can't be her friend if she continues to do this...and then wish her well and stop contact.

Btw it is a horrible situation for you. That is clear - but you seem to be confusing you with her, and that's never helpful to anyone really.

Sorry if I sound harsh.

Yup. This problem is hers, there's nothing you can do unless she asks.

Ultimately, it is her choice. You cannot stop this happening, she needs to make her own decisions.

If I were you, I would write her a letter- saying that you fear it is happening again, that you are worried about her and that if/when she needs you, you will be there for her.

She obviously has issues.

Take a step back.

Next time she texts because of an incident, just reply saying: ''Listen. You need to get some professional help. I mean it. There's nothing more I can do for you.''

Perhaps it will be enough of a wake up call to get her thinking.

I would say its possible that its her partner sending the texts from her phone.

However as previous posters say, all you can do is be there when she is ready to leave.